a wedding wish, I suppose

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

I knew it was something from the way you held the door,
As I was trying to shut it so hard my arms were sore.
My wall has always been very thick and high,
Yet you entered every time as easy as pie, 
If only I knew the answer why. 

I never wrote any poem, nowhere near Shakespeare and so.. this is my very first poem made on this very first hour of first day of 2014. I dedicated this poem to a friend I found and lost, who might read this later or sooner and I wish I told her long ago that;

you had my heart. thank you for the care all these years..

barakallahufeek!

"I'm giving up on you"

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

I would love to tell you about the shoutings in house and cars, the loss of a friend that I trusted with my life through betrayal and the disappointment of being a side plan when the person always been in my master plan. 

I'd also love to tell you about Aslim and Naufal ran naked around the house because they didn't want to wear clothes after shower, the eye-opening moments I had in Twins of Faith I attended yesterday because they were so many people have waken up to Islam that ever I witnessed before and how mature my lil brother's girlfriend is because she sounds intellectual in her tweets heh. 

I would love to tell them all, to you. Each and every detail, to you.

If only you could just say something to me.

#np Say Something such a great great song, seriously.

my weak part

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem

one of the major reasons why I can relate to Yasmin Mogahed's writing is because I can feel her precisely and doubtlessly. 

I believe most of us - especially girls- feel the same way, too. she writes almost flawlessly about feeling that it is near impossible to disagree. our hearts are made to feel, aren't they? erm, only that girls are more prone to sadness and weakness, aren't we? :) weakness may be some sort of addiction. I believe psychiatry can explain this better but I'm going to explain this in my own viewpoint, my own story;

my subject of weakness always, nearly most of the time, is love. most of loves I experience make me weak. be it a person, an object or a mere memory. I tend to love, very weakly.

until to a very recent initially-unaware moment that I hate to weakness that results me to hate to love. I do not want to be weak anymore. I really want to fight this addiction of feeling weak. I despise it every second up to the point I do not see love the way I should see it.

and then it hit me.

if its love, it shouldn't make us weak. love is strength. love is what makes world goes around. not money, no.

but if and only if, it is done in the right way - lillah.

so, I have now decided that until I love something lillahita'ala, I refuse to love it at all. I still hate weakness and will always hate it. it easily gets on my nerves to see weak people, especially those that I can see strength inside of them. stop being so weak, stop underestimating yourself, and most importantly, stop confusing yourself between penakut and taqwa. taqwa itu membina diri, takut penakut melemahkan hati. perempuan lemah lembut, bukan lemah lembik. come on, rise up and shine your imaan, my friends. look at bigger things in life, think about the ummah not just yourself. 

get out from that hole of weakness you get yourself into.

and above is the only reason why I'm not able finish her book, too. (yet)

"Sabar, Sya."

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

"pengorbanan bukannya memberikan apa yang kita ada, tapi memberikan lebih apa yang kita ada."

maksudnya, kalau ada RM10, kita bukan bagi RM1 mahupun RM10, tapi RM10 ke atas. kita bagi lebih daripada apa yang kita mampu dengan cara 'push' diri sendiri untuk cari duit lebih dengan simpan duit, kerja etc. jadinya, kita mengorbankan bukan setakat duit, tapi diri sendiri, untuk orang lain.

of cos lah, bukan senang. bukan senang nak luangkan 5 jam seminggu utk usrah. 5 jam boleh habis 3 lecture notes Dr Wilkins kottt. bukan senang jugak nak berjaga sampai pukul 11 malam kalau dah terbiasa tidur pukul 9 malam. ingat senang-senang histamine nak ubah sleep cycle? bukan senang nak paksa diri makan nasi setiap kali usrah atau tamrin kalau dah memang tak makan nasi sejak kecik. eh.

perdagangan yang paling menguntungkan menuntut manusia menginfakkan harta dan jiwa dalam jalan Islam 61:11 

jadi, perdagangan itu merujuk kepada pengorbanan diri sendiri - tenaga, masa, perasaan (apa-apa yang berharga) dan jugak jiwa dan raga keseluruhannya.

jadinya, mengorbankan diri daripada melakukan apa yang kita suka - tengok movie, makan, sembang, tidur, untuk melakukan apa yang kita perlu buat - belajar, usrah, belajar lagi, usrah lagi bukannya semudah yang orang yang tak buat sangka. 

alhamdulillahirabbeel'alameen, alhamdulillahirabbeel'alameen, alhamdulillahirabbeel'alameen.

"Sabar, Sya." is definitely the best wish for the eid adha :)
salam eid! salam pengorbanan! wassalamualaikum!

not sure what kind of wife/mum I'd become

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem, assalamualaikumwarahmatullah,

I remember during one of the most beautiful moments in my life being infront of Kaabah, something happened infront of me that forced me to make a du'a:

"oh Lord, make me one of your faithful and committed workers of Islam."

my ambition is to be a doctor. my dream is to live lifelong as a muslim. not a typical muslim, a working muslim. not a doctor working as a muslim, but a muslim working as a doctor. being a da'ie is more than an ambition, it's a dream. it's a never-ending dream I always find myself chasing for. if Islam puts qualifications required to be a da'ie, like book of Teguran buat Du'at by Sheikh Yusuf Qardawi, it must take more than this life for me to achieve my dream.

but I am still trying.

it looks like more to failure now since last night. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. if any of you whom I wronged before read this post, know that I deeply regret my mistakes.

I apologise for the time I wasn't able to make for you - home dinners I skipped, lunch dates I missed or salaam I didn't give when I entered the house or when I met you on the way to lecture. and more in the list.. taknak buka pekung di dada besar-besar sangat.

I will not use busy, time constriction, exhaustion etc as excuse anymore. it is my mistake, my own khilaaf, my shameful weakness that I don't tunaikan hak semua orang sebagai kawan. insyaAllah after this I'll try to do it better - to balance all aspects of my life to the furthest extent of my capability. and sorry in advance, too, if next second after I wrote this, I pergi emergency meeting pulak instead of pergi town dengan korang T.T

because at the end of the day, it really is about whom you love more 

and whom you love true. in other words, fillah. not fil jamaah or fil bait or fil favorite food or hobbies.

ps/ another beautiful (less than above, of course) moment of life is when someone pats my at my back and asks 'okay tak, Sya?' :)

the perk of being a busy nerd

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

isn't it a wonderful feeling to score an exam or test with high mark? or to fully understand the lectures because you have done revision beforehand. it is also beautiful to be able to point any structure on the skull and tell its name and vessels that pass through it during lab session. 

to me, learning medicine is happiness. 

I also find it exciting to listen to talks and discussions, particularly on Islamic issues like middle east crisis and even Ust Fathul Bari kahwin dua (eh bukan gosip ke ni lol). I'm undeniably in love with the atmosphere of being in a group of people of knowledge - deeply, madly in love with this. 

thus, learning Islam brings me contentment. 

it is through learning that I find my heart and soul at peace. I fall in love over and over again, more often lately, with books and people around me. Dr Wilkins is at top of the list btw :P

what I intend to convey is that love can be found in hatred.

medicine is never easy, I'm doing it with struggles and hardships that I take paracetamol and caffein as a defence to stress. Islam is not upheld high as it supposes to be yet, but we're muslims. we are the ones to take the responsibility and jalan dakwah tak dibentangkan dengan karpet merah dan taburan bunga. 

but at the end of the exhausting day every day, shouldn't we all be reminded that;

"Verily, with hardship, there is ease." 94:6

thank You, thank You, thank You, the Most Merciful for the love I found and the help You descend to me without fail. 

kbai nak belajar neuroanat esok lab Sya uiiiii. 

my first unofficial patient!

bismillah, assalamualaikum! 

Today was a medical fairytale!! I finally had my very first hands-on with reallll patients as a medical student. Well, I have experienced with cadavers last term but this time was with a living person!! (with illness of course)

NUI Galway has a special module programme called Early Patient Contact, EPC which aims to expose students to real clinical experiences with patients, ie communication skills, clinical skills, simple physical examinations on Vital Signs etc. It is basically a programme to train students to talk to patients in proper and confident way - yes, more to history-taking than diagnosis because we're only in second med.

So this was the excited me this morning! haha. Serius terlompat-lompat before session, well, pardon my adrenaline hehehehehehe.

Our patient, Mr V, is an incredibly helpful person. He talked non-stop for an hour I think, explaining everything without us even asking in details. Irish are generally gentlemen pun kan. Some of our questions were silly but he just answered anyways. 

I enjoyed this very first experience up until the moment I got lost in the middle of conversation, haha. Since he explained so much, I got confused and I panicked for some time during the interview. My group mates seem to understand everything; medical terms like drugs and diseases name etc while I went blur all by myself, adoiii.

Then I realised that I actually becoming to enjoy it more because that was the exact time that the whole situation suddenly look extra challenging and enormously interesting and very drama-like la jugak, hahaha. Ada fefeeling Dr House gituuuu. 

and later after I was reminded that this is still yet a fairytale and I barely becoming a good medical student at the moment. It was inspirational, it truly was. But I do not, at all, want it to be merely a dream. I want it to be a reality when I wake up one day. 

thus, I should not oversleep anymore and study more instead :P

"Allah changeth not the condition of a folk until they (first) change that which is in their hearts; and if Allah willeth misfortune for a folk there is none that can repel it, nor have they a defender beside Him." [ar Ra'du:11]

wassalam! (still excited padahal early report tak siap lagi hehehehe)

you can't scare those who are terrified

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

some say weakness is the door to building strength; that we will not know how strong we are until the only choice we have is to be strong. 

I try to look at the other side and wonder, if there are other (perhaps very few) people who genuinely understand the meaning of weakness - the state of being weak where there isn't a bit of strength left to even admit that we are, entirely, helpless. 

like those who have impairment in synaptic vesicles. they can't move their fingers on the keyboard as fast as you can, you know. (still in search of name of the disease though)

they are physically disable and some others are emotionally disable and why discriminate the latter?

as for me, my explanation to my condition is

because it is not safe yet to say that my heart is set.

a (not really) open letter to Ibu

bismillahirahmaanirraheem, assalamualaikum Ibu,

I hope you're under warm blessing of Allah SWT there. by the time you're reading this, I'm at least 16k km away from home; from you. and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I caused you a lot of troubles these 4 months of summer break. I'm sorry I had to leave again at times you wish you daughter was close to you. Top of all, I'm sorry that I didn't do enough for you to see you laugh and smile as much as you deserve to. I wish I did.

you know, summer holiday at home was a pure therapy for me. I barely survived my first year in all aspects of life and being at home made me, well, me again. and I hope you realise that most of them is because of you. I will never forget those leave days you took just to go out with me from the first week I got back (and spend your money on me T.T) also the day I arrived that you brought you iPad and tethered you phone at the airport only to let me go online, when all I wanted to do at that time was to look at your and Abah's faces (and eat nasi lemak). oh, my favourite moment would be when you told me you love me at the airport before I left sobs. jiwang gilerss.

Ibu, the reason I didn't go back on the 31st was because of your birthday. I didn't want to leave on your birthday. but me being me, I was too busy doing last minute shopping la renew license la makan sushi la that I didn't celebrate your birthday the way I planned.

why I wrote this letter? well, remember the letter you wrote to me when I entered KMB? I guess this is (short) 3 years later reply. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah I still have to chance to :) apart from that, this is to (urgently) inform you that I made a cake for you and left in the fridge at the 3rd row, I think. it was part of the surprise I wanted to make and so, I hope you can go eat it asap before it expires hehehehehhehehehe. 

this photo serves as a form of motivation for family holiday again kikikiki. cc: Abah

the card that I was supposed to hand you at the airport macam cerita Korea gitu. so this post is only soft copy la, will send you the hard copy later ye Ibu :))

that's all, Ibu. I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu~ fIllahita'ala. assalamualaikum.

I will never be able to join paed

bismillah, 

I wanted to spend the night watching movies till sahoor time but ended up stuck in a number of articles relating to current Middle East crisis, in particularly, the very recent chemical massacre in Syria.

I was quickly reminded the story of Hasan al Banna that he went sleepless for a week thinking of the ummah's problem. how inspiring. 

you see, if Muslims are true ikhwan fil aqeedah, how do we have very warm and cosy night sleep when there are tiny children look as if they're sleeping like we comfortably do when in fact, they're dead.

Aslim, Naufal and Kauthar must be in deep sleep by now. and this is the only photo I can tolerate to watch (after hours of inner conflict).














oh the Most Powerful, if I were to become a mother one day, grant me a heart that won't break - or at least, a bit stronger. 

Eid 2013

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem, assalamualaikumwarahmatullah,

Eid this year has been amazing as usual. (perhaps 'as usual' means less amazing? :P) 

oh well. maybe this time I'm gonna let the pictures speak by themselves.

Have you ever had at least one moment in your life that when you look at someone's face and think to yourself

it is their happiness I long for.

ha dah start jiwang dahhh. okay lets get serious again. actually, next year I plan to not go back to Malaysia for summer insyaAllah. so what I did was masak roti jala mee kari ayam rempah lontong tiramisu, beli accessories raya for each of family member, lompat sana lompat sini, this and that, only to leave memories of me so I won't be the only one to be in deep homesickness during eid next year teehee. 

oh by the way, in the midst of all these amazing blessing, a simple (yet powerful) reminder should do no harm :

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jagalah diri kamu dan ahli keluarga kamu dari neraka yang bahan bakarnya adalah manusia dan batu." - at Tahrim, 6.

shawling skills

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem wassalamualaikum,

berkawan ni sebenarnya macam bershawls.

saya bukannya reti sangat pun pakai shawls. shawls pun beberapa helai je sebab memang tak reti pakai. selalu teringin nak pakai shawls kemas-kemas cantik-cantik macam denabahrin ayesha etc. tapi nak buek cano, memang shawling skills kira out..

dulu.

sekarang alhamdulillah, dengan adanya 'dakwah wa tarbiyyah' melalui Youtube, kira in dah lah shawling skills saya alhamdulillah. gambar di atas gambar retis-retis sket untuk menambah keyakinan dan secara langsung memantapkan skill bershawl dari segi rohaniyyah wa insaniyyah.

but that is not the point tho.

I always blamed the materials, sizes and designs of shawls that I couldn't wear them properly. sometimes I blamed the shape of my face (by forgetting that we human are made ahsaani taqweem). this happened until a time that I finally figured out the most suitable way of wearing shawls, I realised that it is about the skills, not the shawls.

the same goes to friendship - friends and the way we deal with friends. 

friends should never be the subject to blame, it's the way we befriend. why point fingers to our friends when we got a situation when in fact, we are friends to them ourselves? not that we are always the one to be blamed, but both of us - the way both of us deal with each other. 

it takes two to clap, and also two to stretch the rubber

stretch moderately, my friend. because if one lets go, the pain depends on how far you have stretched the rubber.

ouch.

note* don't you think the biggest challenge of giving dakwah through fashion is tabarruj? its a deadly silent killer isn't it.

I'm so gonna be an angry pregnant lady

bismillahirahmaanirraheem, 

it was a very exhausting day of fasting and reunion with 9 years lost contact friends in Shah Alam. I went into return journey Gombak-Shah Alam using public transport from 3 pm to 10 pm. cewah sebenarnya takde lah haru sangat pun perjalanan.

I was standing inside the LRT Kelana Jaya lane because there was no empty seats. Though there were about 10 more stations to reach terminal, I thought standing wouldn't trouble me because I had Kenny Rogers for berbuka nyum nyum.

it turned out that I was wrong. 

I remember it was Masjid Jamek station where the young couple entered the LRT. The soft yet tired faced wife was (at least) 7 months pregnant while the more tired faced husband was holding 3 bags full with kuih raya boxes, raya decoration etc. 

it troubled me because they were standing very very patiently until they reached Sri Rampai station

because no one gave up their seat for the pregnant woman. 

woman in grey t shirt sitting DIRECTLY infront of the lady was, well, sitting. no, she wasn't sleeping. her eyes were open the whole journey. while the tuff healthy young man with the iPad, as you can see there, was on Facebook checking up his notifications. and last but not the least, the woman beside him was very tired playing apps game on her phone that she fell asleep later. while the other seats row behind the pregnant lady were no different. all were young healthy men and women suited up with office wear and smart-looking face with the same type of attitude - shameful one. 

I was all fired up with anger that I couldn't recall when was the last time I was that angry during Ramadhan. I spoke out loud "kesiannya kesiannya woi woi woi" hoping that they would hear me for a few times and I also stared at each one of them with serious Ziana Zain eyes. serious k serious. 

yet no one heeded me. 

so I went back home and told Ibu about this with the still blazing fire inside my eyes and mouth also that my words were all fire here fire there until this one fireman moment that Ibu said to me,

"why didn't you just poke them and ask them to give seat to the lady?"

------------- this is a true story I can relate to the recent case of Daylight Robbery you can view here

our sociey is sick. and we are, in fact, the society. [ar Ra'du:11]

zoo stories

bismillah

I really like rabbits. well, I doubt if any girl doesn't like rabbits. rabbits are like the first animal I ever admired to pet. their white fur, red-circled round eyes, cute nose, chubby tummy are features I always come to loving every time I see them. they are always modest and shy, too - characters that are hard to get nowadays, aren't they? 

I once held a rabbit close to me. but I guess because of their nature, he escaped, quite fastly, from me. I am never really sure why he left but hmm maybe I didn't smell good kot..

and then, with trend, I fell in love with sugar gliders. I didn't really find them attractive at first but oh well, they're exotic! you see, I can't write much about what I like about sugar gliders, haha, maybe because I don't really like them even though I loved them ahhhhh it's complicated! hehe. oh yea, I heard they're clingy and can die out of loneliness, so I sorta find it as a strong sentimental value :P

but at the end of the day, I figured out sugar gliders are not for me. more troubles than pleasures. (no offense, sugar gliders' owner..)

currently, I am into Abysinnian hamsterrrrr! its a species that is very well known as Bugsy for fans of Bedtime Stories movie, starring Adam Sandler. comel gileee mashaAllahhhhhhhh. they are so chubby, fluffy and funny toooooo! or at least to me, in my imagination haha. you know, I almost bought one  the other day but I didn't have cash with me so I delayed buying. I went again the next day (actually, month) and they were sold out. sad sad story........  

I didn't like Bugsy that much at first. I enjoyed seeing it but never wanted to own it. I can't recall how I started liking it but I do now. a lot, actually. too much, sometimes.

one thing about all the pets I told you about, is that, I never really own them. in fact, I never own a pet even once. always wanting to have one, but never have the chance to. each of them has their own story to me; very important stories in my life in fact. though I  continue writing my own story at the moment, every time I look back at the past, the memories are still there as if to remind me the lessons I learned. in both hard and also, happy ways :)

2:216

Prof Dr Syakirah Azami

bismillahirrrahmaanirraheem, assalmaualaikumwarahmatullah,

topic of a talk or program is the first major factor of to attract audience. like the title of this blogspot la hehe, second would be the speakers. but well, sometimes an amazing speaker can actually make amazing speech out of any topic given. 

the topic of a seminar I went a week ago was Keluarga vs Kerjaya by Dr Harlina Siraj and Dr Maszlee

great speakers masyaAllah awesome speeches subhanaAllah. 

but I only want to highlight one most absorbed point both of the speakers gave out. which is the topic itself. I myself saw topic as being gender-biased to women because of course la we ambitious women gituw susah lah nak decide nak jaga keluarga ke nak jaga patients. this was my thought before Dr Har bashed my view by saying the other way around.

this seminar was a direct topic for men. men should be target group because the two subjects in title are primarily male responsibility. 

"Lelaki itu pelindung bagi wanita.. " 4:34

yet disappointingly, the audiences were 80% women, 70% of the women were single.

ironic? yes. very.

okay tu je nak cerita sebab i'm trying my best to not be a feminist teeheee. wassalam.

I want to become a lecturer

bismIllahirrahmaanirraheem, assalamualaikumwarahmatullah,

Politics are irresistible. They revolve around us whether we like it or not. To some (including me), its controversial feature looks more interesting that anything else. Maybe because immaturity or ignorance, we youth find it easier to expressively argue about political issues than actually study about it.

Abah asked me the night before "Nak ikut Abah dengar ceramah tak esok?" Without actually knowing what it was, I knew I should go. Not because of YB Nurul Izzah hehe but Abah kalau ajak bukan sebarang ajak. "I bet this gonna be great."

And I was right.

This was an event organised by University Malaya Centre of Democracy and Election (UMCEDEL) under Prof Dato' Dr Redzuan as the director. Approved by Vice Chancellor alhamdulillah haha, the topic was Pasca PRU 13: Ke Arah Mana Politik Malaysia? The guests who came were:

1. Datuk Ruhanie Ahmad (blogger) - you can actually check Malaysiakini for full report of his speech

2. Ibrahim Sufian (pemerhati politik from Merdeka Centre)

3. Keeran Sivarajah (pemerhati politik from IDEAS)

4. YB Shamsul Iskandar aka the Giant Slander who defeated Ali Rustam at Bukit Katil

5. YB Ong Kian Ming who DSAI referred as 'one ofthe top three PR young leader that BN are scared of'

6. Dato' Saifuddin Abdullah :D

7. YB Nurul Izzah Anwar (not as speaker, only guest)

I must say, the best lesson I learned from this talk is that there is a clear line between academician and politician - in terms of factuality to eye contact they make. It hits me right in the middle when Prof Redzuan explain explicitly the prime idea of UMCEDEL as a centre of integration between academic and politics

or in simpler words, it teaches on how to see politics wisely. 

Personally, I'd say the balance between emotions and facts when it comes to politics is quite a mess for most of people, especially those at my age. Despite of being a medical student, facts are still facts; boring. I rarely bother about understanding the issue simply because there are so many to read! Yet, it is always interesting to get into debates with those who have diff opinions. They get more interesting when the other side is all flaring up with exaggeration and baseless statements.

Then, all of these make less (not none) sense when I came to this talk. It was a powerful eye opener for a young woman like me to look at things differently after this. Not that I want to be a politician duhh but I don't think it'd harm anyone to be a wise adult one day biidznIllah. 

After all, if being doctor means to serve people, in what way would it be different from a rightful leader?

And that is essentially why I adore politicians. Well, only some of them, obviously. 

Last but not the least, this talk was also amazing because my parents were there with me. It was (still is) really hard to imagine me spending time with both of my parents during weekdays. They are very caught up with their works and responsibilities since I was a little child - which becomes a motivation to me ever since.

"Boring aaa Cikya cite politik. Ngantok dah ni tite dengar..."

I will come back with your story pulak lepas ni, Naufal!! Be ready. Be really ready muahahahhahahaa.

balancing

assalamualaikumwarahmatullah,

This is like diving into deep sea. I was on the ground wandering around doing this and that before I realise that it is time for me to dive. But before I jumped into the sea, I looked around to see what I have to see. Not very far away from where I stood, I saw people I love looking at me with empty eyes. I know I have to meet them. I continued looking around and I saw many damages that I have done not so long ago. I know I have to fix them. And most significantly, I was a harshly hit by the sight of a mountain of 'work' I have to do before I die. I know I have to do them.

But not now, I have to dive. No, this will not be long and I will come back to the ground when the time comes.

So, I took a looongg and deeeeppp breath with my eyes closed. I could now listen to dominant sympathetic-influenced heart beat very clearly. You still have to do this, I told myself. I lost a few breaths because I was afraid and had to inhale and exhale many times to make sure I am ready to make the jump.

And I jumped.

In the sea, I still can see. I can also hear the talking from the outside. They are not very clear but I can quite understand the point. Like before, I lost my focus a few times and had to redirect my head to what I have in front. I need to focus. Other than my limbs, water pressure and fish (tetibe), I'm heavily dependant on my oxygen supply. I'm pretty sure I have enough to finish this, yet I know I should go back to the surface to breathe in some more in case of short.

The oxygen resembles my religion, my deen, my Rabb, arRasul, the Quran, tarbiyyah and imaan. It fills me entirely and I need it every second of my life.

The sea is the mood I am in. Exam mode on days ago mesti lah different than normal days.

Other objects, errr, tataulah ape hahahaha.

Actually, I was feeling a bit nausea at the moment after staring at lecture notes for hours which I have lost count of.. So, I decided to take 5 minutes break by writing this. Hmm you see, exam is not only around the corner anymore. Because guess what, I have already reached the corner T.T

I read the Quran this morning and came across these verses:

"Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang bertakwa berada di dalam taman-taman(syurga) dan mata air, mereka mengambil Tuhan kepada mereka. Sesungguhnya mereka sebelum itu di dunia adalah orang-orang yang berbuat baik; mereka sedikit sekali tidur pada waktu malam; dan pada akhir malam mereka memohon ampunan daripada Allah."[51:15-18]

Now I am motivated to change my biological clock to sleep less (4 or 5 hours) and do 'ibadah (studying) and qiam during the night! I can do thisss I can do thissssssss I BELIEVE I CANNNN!!

InsyaAllahul'azim. 

daytime stories

Bismillahirahmaanirraheem.

"Aslim dengan Naufal tu ya Allah Yaaaa. Habis Nenek dibulinya tiap-tiap hari. Aslim dah pandai sebut banyak perkataan macam 'Aaatok', yang Naufal pulak macam tu jelah. Suap ape pun bukaaaakk jelah mulut dia. Mananya tak bulat."

"Ya waktu kecik punyelah melekat dengan Ibu sampai masuk dalam baju sebab Ya sejuk. Ya jadi macam kangaroo tau tak? Haha."

"Kelakar kan Abah. Abah Ya memang macam tu haha. Dari dulu lagi sejak Abah tergolek-golek nakkan Ibu dia memang macamtu."

These are the repeated stories which never bore me even for the thousandth time I listen to it everytime we skype. More than that, they never fail to remind me of who I am, of the person I always want to be to my family.

"Tengok ni Ya, Ibu beli baju baruuu cantik tak cantik takkk. Ha ni tadi Ibu beli aiskrim kat Giant, dah lama tak makan aiskrim hehehehehehehe."

While this, is one of the very rare unrepeated stories I would get to listen once in a blue moon :P

For He is Truly Undoubtedly The Most Gracious and Loving while I am a shamefully helpless soul

eh no no no, I am not homesick okay. I only miss that piece of happiness I left at my home that I sometimes forget, thus, I need to be reminded about it ;) 

wassalamualaikum.

this naive understanding, pardon me

bismIllahillaziyadurusamaaiwahuwasami'ul'aleem. 

Saya suka solat berjemaah. Serius best. Ada mu'azin, imaam, makmum. Untuk solat jahr lagi la best dapat dengar bacaan Quran kawan-kawan. Kemain sedap tarannum masing-masing haha. Memang seronok sangat bila dapat solat berjemaah sebab kat sini susah nak dapat berjemaah sebab jadual tak menentu. Pahala dilipatgandakan sebanyak 27 kali tu umpamanya macam coklat Lindt daripada 1 dapat lagi 26 biji. MashaAllah sisterss brothersss sodapnyoooo. Mau mau yang hazelnut. Haihhhhh. 

Memang serius semua pasal solat berjemaah saya suka. Takde satu pun yang saya tak suka. Memang mengukir senyuman di muka la senang cerita.

Wah. Pantun tiga kerat.

But very frustratingly, in reality, jemaah in terms of some other aspects of life seems to have lost its essentially basic principles like what I stated above. Minus the component rukun-rukun solat etc, the true concept of jemaah seems to be fading. It instead has left many muslim minds unnecessarily questioning so many things starting from its implementation straight down to its whole purpose of existence.

It already came to the worst point of which having created some kind of stigma to Islam itself.

Takkan pernah nampak pun kebaikan untuk bertengkar antara satu sama lain. Paling tak nampak ialah kebaikan untuk bangga dengan semuaaaaaaa prinsip dan cara masing-masing dan merendahkan prinsip dan cara orang lain. Dan semua ketidakadaan kebaikan-kebaikan inilah yang membawa kepada keburukan.

Banyak je masjid ada dalam dunia ni. Contohnya, dalam area Gombak. As-Syakirin, Zakaria, UIA, Integomb punye masjid memang terletak dekat antara satu sama lain pun. Jadinya, banyak je lah jemaah solat dalam satu-satu waktu solat tu kat tiap-tiap masjid. Takde masalah pun untuk pilih jemaah yang mana. Asalkan pasang niat solat, ingat rukun solat, khusyuk dan ini semua untuk satu sebab je, which is untuk solat diterima Allah SWT.

Pernah ada ke kes makmum+imam skali semua daripada solat jemaah 'asar Masjid A serang makmum daripada solat jemaah 'asar Masjid B?

Kenapa takde? Sebab makmum+imam+muazin+pembaca doa+tok kadi faham tujuan dan fokus solat berjemaah. Paling penting lagi, faham yang jemaah bermaksud bersama-sama, tak kesahlah dari masjid mana pun waktu solat fardhu mana pun, strictly bukan berasing-asing. Kalau pengertian dari segi bahasa pun dah lari,  pengertian istilah apetah lagi?

Umat Islam itu umpama satu badan. Scientifically, all organs and systems are interrelated with one another. None stands alone. Sebab tu kitorang pakai integrated curriculum. Fahimtum?

"why I hate religion, love Jesus"

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem, 

Comparative religion is an engrossing subject to those who search for something. Most of the cases, is in the search of truth. And we Muslims search too; knowledge and tighter grip of the truth. We are indeed obliged to continue searching on and on throughout our whole life until the brain does not receive any oxygen for more than a minute. (Read: hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy or death)

Today, I went to search in youtube and found this.

This is one of the best videos of interfaith subject I watched so far. It is clear and profoundly factual to believe every point said.

But my searching didn't end there. I figured out this issue actually started in different way.

Just as it started to become more exciting, it became much much more as I found these as response videos.

I honestly haven't had any thought of the differences between religion and Jesus before. To be honest again, I actually do not fully understand the last 3 videos except its atheistic viewpoints and church's social roles. I understand how important are the church for the Christians and that religion is a part Jesus' mission on the earth. But then I wonder…

Have they watched the muslim version video? What would they response be? 

I wish to waittttt hihihi I just loooveeee debateeeeeeeeeee tho I am strictly NOT a debater. 

Go back to book now, Sya. Wassalam.

dosa kaki

bismillahirahmaanirraheem.

I really like badminton. I like playing it, watching it and berlagak pandai main. I'm not good at it. Its just that for a kaki bangku like me, badminton pun dah cukup cool kot. I still remember the first time I played it here in uni gym, I literally cried when I was bullied by people around. Dah lah laki pulak tu. But I didn't cry cos of them tho, I cried because I really miss playing badminton with Abah, Angah, Abanteh, Abalang, Anep at home. Homesickness came during badminton session, weird enough? No? Haha.

I played badminton last night. It was fun. Even though I lost over seniors, alah seniors fifth year kottt, but it was fun! Until my calcaneofibular ligament sprained.

I had an over inversion of my left foot while playing (actually, walking), so I think the lateral ligament got overstretched since the area around ankle has actually swollen since last night. See picture above, you'll understand better!

But there's one more possibility though.

It could be due to overextension of the tendon. I think it would be the peroneus brevis tendon since it is an evertor muscle and I can't evert my foot now. It is currently inverted more than normal, so, perhaps there's a minor damage to the tendon as well.

But then I also feel a slight sore at the anterior part of foot when I try to put my foot on the ground. It is around the tibialis anterior tendon, can you see? But it's not swollen tho. It just hurts when I try to dorsiflex my foot. But, I think, the possibility of this tendon to be damaged is quite low. Nahh I don't think so. Saje nak tambah possibility.

All in all, this is just a medical poyo way to tell that I have an ankle injury. Hehehehehehehhe. I went to the health unit already and apparently, nothing is wrong alhamdulillah. Learning Anatomy is super tough but the value of knowledge we gain is priceless alhamdulillah 2. 

ps/ Here's the full interesting video of it (or at least to me):

Wassalamualaikum.

red HBDI colour wins over blue with close margin this time

bismillahirahmaanirraheem. in the name of Allah, the most loving.

this post is for those have the adjective as a noun for an ajnabi.

for those who are currently restraining themselves from themselves.

for whose heart beats differently because of the feeling they didn't ask for,

for whose brain fails to interpret things using logic and rationale anymore.

this post is for those who are waiting for the something very uncertain yet they still find themselves waiting. 

for those who are frightened by the uncertainties yet they still want to take the risk.

what a mujahid/ah you are. 

I read somewhere days ago someone says "Do not be jealous of people who are in relationship before marriage. Be jealous of people who are not because they have high imaan." People feel. That's very normal. It's not about the existence of the feeling, but rather the dealing with the feeling itself. Like when you have briyani chicken rice in a western country, what do you do with it? Do you eat it straight away or do you keep it at right place until the right time comes when you can truly enjoy its delicious taste nyam nyamm? Ape ni tetibe briyani. But I mean it. My anology maybe ridiculous but I mean every word. It is a heart-breaking struggle to not do things you really truly badly want to do...

The battle of heart and brain is the toughest part, they say. But it is actually a battle between imaan and nafs within one soul. You want to do it, but you know you can't. But you still want to do it, but your imaan says don't, but wait you heart says takpe je, but brain says no, let me think, but suddenly it reminds you of the evil of the nafsu but then whyyyy huwaaaaaaaaaaa

To those who are suffering this presently, this message is for you:

Be patient. Stay strong. Allah SWT knows. 

wallahu'alam. may Allah grant us more patience and strength, wassalamualaikum.

IUMC interview tips

bismillahirahmaanirraheem, assalamualaykum.

We have been told that the juniors will be having IUMC (Irish Universities Medical Council) in few weeks time. The first thing came across my mind was

woah! time does fly fast! 

It feels like yesterday I told story about my water rocket to Prof Gerry Loftus, Dean of NUIG Medical School. I was in for the competition in Form 4, I put it in my personal statement because I thought it would make me an interesting person. I guess I was right because Prof Loftus and the other interviewer (can't remember the name, but quite sure he's from UCC) couldn't stop asking questions about it for about half time of the interview. Or was it my fault to be that interesting? *tersipu*

Thus, that brings about my first trick. Or tips.

1. Be interesting!

I would say, it starts with your PS. Korang tak kena hantar CV kan? Ke kena gak? Okay if you have to send both then it means you have to make both as interesting as possible. Be it about your hobby, family member, habit, if it involves uniqueness and creativity, then put it there somewhere. You don't have to elaborate so long about it, as long as it's interesting, it is automatically eye-catching. 

And prepare yourself to answer questions about it. Jangan lupa related terms such as pressure, aerodynamic shape, resistance or even seletep like I did T.T  

2. Learn Gaelic words. 

You don't need to know more than 10 words, don't worry. As much as we adore foreigners who speak Malay, foreigners also adore us to speak their language. Make it as simple as 'hello' or 'morning' or 'how are you' or 'goodbye' or Irish national anthem eceh. It shows your appreciation towards their language, and it's a good bodek trick I tell you.

3. Be friendly with sincerity from heart.

The bodek trick won't work if you don't look sincere. Wait, in fact any words you say won't make they believe you if you're not sincere saying them. Trust me, those interviewers you'll meet, they can identify this type of people easily. 

Jangan cuak…. Ha, lupa pulak, when I was interviewed kan, I was terrified to death cause by excessive adrenaline rush. Seghiyesley. My legs were shivering and my hands were sweating even I was in a cold room. I bet they knew it as soon as I opened the door as they asked me if I was okay. Out of no where, my mouth slipped "actually, I'm not okay. I'm super scared right now." a millisecond later my brain finally processed what I just said and I could only laugh very awkwardly while they burst into laughter.

If there's one thing I have to describe the Irish, it's friendly. Do you know that Ireland is one of the most friendliest country in the world? (you may use that in the interview if they ask you what do you know about Ireland) and it is! If they ask you how you know it, just tell them "our seniors tell us so and we believe them 100%ly especially after meeting you" ;P Okay back to the point, so, be friendly. One of the most effective way of showing friendliness is by smiling and laughing. Don't forget to smile after every sentence/point. Some body gestures mainly through hand movement will definitely help, too.

4. Prepare for the question of "do you have any other question?"

This actually relates to the question of what person do you want them to see you as? Ambitious? Creative? Culture-lover? Music-lover? What I asked was "what are my chances to pursue my study in postgraduate programme?" I really wanted to know that, so what happened that I could keep the conversations going for a while because I asked many more questions after that such as "how long have the discussion been going on?" and "when will it officially take effect?" etc. What I can say on this is that you should think really carefully about your interest. Be sincere also la while asking questions. Only by this way, they can really tell that you really want to ask the question. 

5. Ask friends before you about the interviewers.

Alah. Ni semua pun buat. And yes, it is extremely helpful insyaAllah.

6. Have a silence 10 minutes before the interview. 

Even though you should ask friends who went before you, do not do it 10 minutes before your turn. You do not need any panic attack at that crucial time. Stay calm. Only in calmness will your mind be at its best condition. 

7. Last but the most of cos! Surah Taha 1-5

It's a doa pelembut hati. Mohonlah supaya dilembutkan hati-hati mereka :)




So, that's it. That's all I can think of for now, but you are free to ask any questions. However, there are many other things to be considered though. During our time, there were scaryyy gileee punye interviewers I tell you who made many people who came out from room felt like there was no hope in getting the offer padahal ramai je dapat. There were also friendly gilee punye interviewers that we felt like talking to friends. Like I said, asking others before you can be very helpful insyaAllah. Oh ye, about what to wear, I'd suggest soft color and blazer because it makes you look like a cheerful professional young people (at least to me hoho) And English fluency, I'd say contents over fluency. It doesn't matter if you don't have an ocean wide bombastic vocabulary as long as you know the precise words to describe what you want to say. Make it an aim to make them understand you rather than amaze by you because of your accent or speedy talk.

What I can say is that, IUMC interview is relatively easier than any other interviewer. Fuh yakin gile di situ.

Tettt it's WRONG! I really disagree with that if it makes you a person who underestimates the whole interview. Try not to care so much if it's easy or hard, what's important is to try your best. After all, to do your very best in everything is what you ought to do.

In memory of panic attacks and zits on IUMC interview day (11/1/2012)

Bittaufeeq wannajah! See you in Ireland in few months time, biidznIllah ;)