Monday, June 25, 2012

Catatan Kem Ibadah

Since yesterday the days were filled with worldwide news of Islam Brotherhood's success in Egypt. A impossibly-heard but truthful congratulation to Dr Morsi from me as a Muslim sister :)

This somehow reminds me to my thoughts back in the Haramain (two Haram Lands; Makkah and Medinah) When I was in Makkah, the atmosphere was far different than in Medinah. Medinah is the Prophet PBUH's land where his body is buried in the Masjid An-Nabawi. I was contented and much in love as I knew the one we all love and miss the most was the nearest to me than ever before. Back in Raudhah where his maqam is exactly located at (also one of taman syurga, according to hadith sahih), the feeling was so powerful that I barely breathed. It was beautiful, though.

And that was Medinah. While in Makkah, it was quite the opposite. During 9 days being there, my brain didn't seem to rest. The thoughts of my mountains-high sins, Islamic leadership, community and of Islam as a whole were straining me minute by minute. One of the most favourite discussions between me and my brothers was about leadership in Arab countries, mostly Saudi. The disappointment and even rage were kinda tough to hold back as I get to know the hurtful truth about today Islam leaders. And today the most awaited truth was finally known, Islam in Egypt is seemingly beginning to rise again insyaAllah :) :)  :)

Okay, sorry tak dapat tahan nak mood politik sikit-sikit. Back to my stories during Umrah.

 Masjid Nabawi, Medinah                                 Masjidil Haram, Makkah

It is like Kem Ibadah, but for adults, I supposed. You see, detaching from the dunya is never easy. Leaving the life you have for a different life, it means, if you understand it well. I felt it at the most bottom of my heart when I was in the saf. It's the world I thought I'm in; the world of Islam. But I figured out that there are so much more beyond that. The reality was not as it seemed to be. It was different. Far different indeed. I believe it is not only because of the aura, but everything, or something that diligently sneaks into the mind to change its usual system hoiyoh. My common questions in mind were:

"How can I be sure if I've been on the right path?"

"How am I going to die when it's time?"

"What can I offer to Allah SWT that make me deserving of His sight and attention?"

The last one is the most common. Being in the crowd of thousands or maybe millions human made me realised how helpless a soul really is. I couldn't help myself from hearing those hysterical whining and crying and begging of people for His forgiveness, or the praises to He Exalted that sound the greatest. This must be because the bowed-down hearts have long known that they yearn nothing less than His mercy. I can never forget the picture. It is a mixed feeling between frightened and grateful. Frightened as imagining what awaits in the afterlife, or if it ever possible to gain His mercy to forgive. Grateful as knowing the chances are still opened, it's not yet the Day of Judgement. But again, the sins that we commit endlessly, will repentance be able to cover them all up? So, there I was, again and again, between the saf, looking at faces around, trying to find answers to my questions. Very much rhetorical, aren't they?

And so, at the end of every thought, all you want to do is sujood, until to that one point, you couldn't raise your head to look at Kaaba as you feel that massively enormous sins behind your back.

Fuh. This is tensed. And so, I think I'll continue another part of this catatan in the next post. Maybe about weird incidents happened to me and family there uuuuuuu~

InsyaAllah wassalamualaykum.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

how much does the dunya own you?

"Telah semakin dekat kepada manusia perhitungan amal mereka, sedang mereka dalam keadaan lalai (dengan dunia), berpaling (dari akhirat)." 21:1

The dunya is amazing. What it offers us is inevitable. Yesterday I bought a dress, the other day Ibu bought me a bag and a purse. I really really really much in love with those stuff because they are pretty! And they make me feel pretty! I even sleep hugging them hohohoho. And today I cleaned my closet because that's what a bibik does. Looking at those plenty clothes I have, I feel like falling in love... 

You see, pretty clothes and accessories make me happy. I know that's normal. It is actually, until that one point I'm close to loving too much. I realise that the new stuff I just bought will end like the old stuff I just threw away today. Unneeded and unwanted (and maybe, I hope not, unfitted T.T) . So, this love I have to my belongings isn't going to be permanent, it will fade away one day. Worst, many don't realise this, but this kind of love belongs to not only clothes, but the dunya as a whole. We are too attached to the dunya that the attachment itself is felt as if it's normal. It is not.

"Dan kehidupan dunia ini, hanyalah permainan dan senda gurau. Sedangkan negeri akhirat itu, sungguh lebih baik bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa. Tidakkah kamu mengerti?" 6:32

The similar basis of game and joy is that both don't last long. The player will either win or lose and the one who laughs will stop laughing because nafas tak cukup. Another similarity is that both make you happy during the period of playing and laughing. But again back to the first basis, they are not meant for ever. 

Islam does not forbid anyone to own anything from the dunya. It is to forbid the dunya from owning us. [quoted] Beautiful faces, stunning dresses, amazing cars; these are a form of attraction of the dunya. Strong or not, it does not depend on how beautiful, stunning or amazing they are, but instead how strong we are to hold ourselves back from them. This kind of strength, however, isn't easy to gain. You know why? Because low state of imaan cannot afford the price of Jannah. 

"Sesungguhnya Allah membeli dari orang-orang mukmin, baik diri mahupun hata mereka dengan memberikan syurga untuk mereka ..." 9:111

Wallahu'alam bissawab.

Ps/ Stalking has suddenly became a big issue in my life lately haha. The thing is, I don't mind being stalked chewah, I only mind if you admit that you actually do! Sewiyus maluwww awwww. After all, a true stalker is like a ninja; secretly present without anyone knowing ;P

Thursday, June 7, 2012

hello everyone

This is a friendly post that I decided to write a moment ago :D

Saya nak mengaku yang saya pemalu. Seriously. Whenever my friends approach me saying "Sya, kita baca apa Sya tulis hari tu hikhik." in my head, I imagine myself hentak kepala kat tiang berdekatan berulang kali saying "Kenapaaa aku tulisss kenapaaaaaaaa."

I consider stalking as caring. It shows that you truly care about someone when you're willing to waste time to read her posts/tweets/updates instead of doing something else that can be a lot more fun. Therefore, I must say that I have extremely caring friends around (aka professional stalkers). My message is that, if you see things I do or write deviantly, you are so very much welcome to leave your comments to correct where I'm wrong. I appreciate it sooo much if you can waste a little time more to do this hihihi. Jangan lew datang kat kitew tetibe pastu membuka aib kitew pasal ape yang kitew tulis. Malu lewwwwwwww.

"Seorang Mukmin adalah cermin kepada Mukmin yang lain. Dan seorang Mukmin adalah saudara kepada Mukmin yang lain."

(Riwayat Abu Daud dan al-Bukhari)

IMPORTANT NOTE: Do tell me if I don't become a better person after performing umrah. If not better, at least, the same. But the same pun bad already. Alaaaaaah. You know what I meannnn T.T

Catatan Umrah of a non-retis


When I was still in IB, I used to have this what-to-do list which was updated hourly (one who does not have, have less chance of survival; evolution hohoho). Since my life has changed chewah, I do not have one anymore. That explains why holiday feels long but when I wake up after sleep/nap/second nap, it surprises me how time flies. Yeah. Still surprises me every time.

It's 3 days away from Umrah! Apart from unpacked luggage etc, I am myself spiritually unprepared. To think again, I question myself, what did I do in this life to deserve such golden opportunity for humankind (or Muslimkind). Then I think, it must be Allah SWT's utmost mercy then, that allows me to become His guest to the holiest city in the world of Islam. But then again, thinking about the wrongdoings I commit, this must be a chance of purification as I am a sinner. So, nothing should be waste, shouldn't it :) They told me, you won't be thinking of dunya when you are there. To me, it sounds like the world that revolves around my whole life, will dissipate from me. If you watch Once Upon a Time drama series on chan 413, you know what I guess it feels like because never in one second have I been in that situation except when I sleep, I think. So, I decided to imagine how it feels like by learning to detach myself from things I usually do but frustratingly, I disappoint myself in so many ways :(

There supposed to be background image for pictures above but it doesn't appear, don't know why. The highlight is the temperatures, see them? Well, this temperature is current day temperature in Malaysia, but night temperature in both places. Okay, kena start tingkatkan stamina! Jogging esok! Lusa! Tulat! Serta hari-hari seterusnya insyaAllah.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

holiday means working day

1 day after IB exam ended...

Ibu : "Ya balik ni buat kerja rumah, masak, basuh kain, lipat kain semua ye. Kan dah nak kawen."
Ya : "Amboi Ibu... gurau kasar tu."

A week later...

Ya : "Sape yang bukak website masak-masak ni?"
Kak Ngah : "Ibu. Ibu cakap Ibu nak sediakan menu untuk Ya masak seminggu ni."

So, here I am, at home, waiting for washing machine to finish washing (it rhymes!!). Thanks to Kak Ngah, too, she helps me a lot (which means she does more chores than me hehe) since Bibik quit a week ago. I do   not leave house often, except for important purposes such as renewing license ehem. Bambam and Semsem are pengubat hati lara even though they usually sleep most of the day. But the thing about holiday is that, it makes me think and see what I wasn't able to before. I have plenty of time to start doing what I really like to do such as this! 

Listened to her just now, and she relates much to my previous post :D She once tweeted "Dear folks who don't think women should be public speakers, you only make me realize the need more :) " For anyone who has fallen in love with her, well well well, she's coming to Malaysia!

No, this post isn't to promote her, it's only me being excited. But most unfortunately, I won't be able to go since I will not be around. May there be next time, amin. 

Ps/ Verily, A woman is closest to Allah SWT when she is in her house - Narrated by Tarmidhi ;)

Monday, June 4, 2012

heartbreak, bukan clash

What do you do when you get that super strong feeling everytime you encounter something/someone/somewhat? Like every single time.

If and only if you can comprehend the feeling, you must know the solution to it. But what if you don't? what if you can never understand why you are feeling that way even after so long? What if just by seeing that somewhat breaks your heart over and over again? Are you naive or just plain stupid?

Heartbreak is indeed one of the strangely tough test in one's life.

"Let me tell you who a real strongman is. He is the one who controls his temper." 
Narrated by Bukhari, Muslim.

This strong feeling has really tested me as a person like never before. No matter how hard I deny it, it does affect me up until this exact moment. Those few faces I have always tried to avoid seeing, Facebook page I block/unsubscribe, tweets I mute; I did these only to guard myself from turning the feelings into negative. I am not interested to talk about betrayal or hypocrisy, no, it is about me and how myself has been tested with people whom I used to be extremely close with, but now are strangers or maybe, haters to me. It is hurtful seeing them happy in front of you even when you are known hurt. Purposely or not, I have yet to question that. Those assumptions and accusations they threw, I took them all by myself. Oh, the hatred? Well, I took it, too. How painful was it? I can never tell.

but the end of the day, I hope I will still find me telling myself that this is a test, and the test, I will try to pass.

Ya : "Ibu, macamana kita nak tahu orang tu kawan yang baik ke tak?" 
Ibu : "Kawan yang baik tu.....hdjanav..zzz..nrjwkehdkj....zzz.." 
(tertidur sama-sama)

The next day : *1 notification on Facebook*


Jika engkau berbuat bakti kepadanya, ia akan melindungimu.

Jika engkau rapatkan persahabatan dengannya, dia akan membalas baik persahabatanmu itu.

Jika engkau perlukan pertolongan daripadanya berupa wang dan sebagainya, ia akan membantumu.

Jika engkau menghulurkan sesuatu kebaikan kepadanya, ia akan menerima dengan baik.

Jika ia mendapat sesuatu kebajikan (bantuan) daripadamu, ia akan menghargai atau menyebut kebaikanmu.

Jika ia melihat sesuatu yang tidak baik daripadamu, ia akan menutupnya.

Jika engkau meminta sesuatu bantuan daripadanya, ia akan mengusahakannya.

Jika engkau berdiam diri (kerana malu hendak meminta), ia akan menanyakan kesusahanmu.

Jika datang sesuatu bencana menimpa dirimu, ia akan meringankan kesusahanmu (membuat sesuatu untuk menghilangkan kesusahan itu).

Jika engkau berkata kepadanya, nescaya ia akan membenarkanmu.

Jika engkau merancangkan sesuatu, nescaya ia akan membantumu.

Jika kamu berdua berselisih faham, nescaya ia lebih senang mengalah untuk menjaga kepentingan persahabatan.

If heartbreaks are what it takes to make this vulnerable heart strong, then be it.