Catatan Kem Ibadah

Since yesterday the days were filled with worldwide news of Islam Brotherhood's success in Egypt. A impossibly-heard but truthful congratulation to Dr Morsi from me as a Muslim sister :)

This somehow reminds me to my thoughts back in the Haramain (two Haram Lands; Makkah and Medinah) When I was in Makkah, the atmosphere was far different than in Medinah. Medinah is the Prophet PBUH's land where his body is buried in the Masjid An-Nabawi. I was contented and much in love as I knew the one we all love and miss the most was the nearest to me than ever before. Back in Raudhah where his maqam is exactly located at (also one of taman syurga, according to hadith sahih), the feeling was so powerful that I barely breathed. It was beautiful, though.

And that was Medinah. While in Makkah, it was quite the opposite. During 9 days being there, my brain didn't seem to rest. The thoughts of my mountains-high sins, Islamic leadership, community and of Islam as a whole were straining me minute by minute. One of the most favourite discussions between me and my brothers was about leadership in Arab countries, mostly Saudi. The disappointment and even rage were kinda tough to hold back as I get to know the hurtful truth about today Islam leaders. And today the most awaited truth was finally known, Islam in Egypt is seemingly beginning to rise again insyaAllah :) :)  :)

Okay, sorry tak dapat tahan nak mood politik sikit-sikit. Back to my stories during Umrah.

 Masjid Nabawi, Medinah                                 Masjidil Haram, Makkah

It is like Kem Ibadah, but for adults, I supposed. You see, detaching from the dunya is never easy. Leaving the life you have for a different life, it means, if you understand it well. I felt it at the most bottom of my heart when I was in the saf. It's the world I thought I'm in; the world of Islam. But I figured out that there are so much more beyond that. The reality was not as it seemed to be. It was different. Far different indeed. I believe it is not only because of the aura, but everything, or something that diligently sneaks into the mind to change its usual system hoiyoh. My common questions in mind were:


"How can I be sure if I've been on the right path?"


"How am I going to die when it's time?"


"What can I offer to Allah SWT that make me deserving of His sight and attention?"



The last one is the most common. Being in the crowd of thousands or maybe millions human made me realised how helpless a soul really is. I couldn't help myself from hearing those hysterical whining and crying and begging of people for His forgiveness, or the praises to He Exalted that sound the greatest. This must be because the bowed-down hearts have long known that they yearn nothing less than His mercy. I can never forget the picture. It is a mixed feeling between frightened and grateful. Frightened as imagining what awaits in the afterlife, or if it ever possible to gain His mercy to forgive. Grateful as knowing the chances are still opened, it's not yet the Day of Judgement. But again, the sins that we commit endlessly, will repentance be able to cover them all up? So, there I was, again and again, between the saf, looking at faces around, trying to find answers to my questions. Very much rhetorical, aren't they?

And so, at the end of every thought, all you want to do is sujood, until to that one point, you couldn't raise your head to look at Kaaba as you feel that massively enormous sins behind your back.










Fuh. This is tensed. And so, I think I'll continue another part of this catatan in the next post. Maybe about weird incidents happened to me and family there uuuuuuu~

InsyaAllah wassalamualaykum.