Wednesday, December 5, 2012

my English essay

Islamic tradition since ages ago follows a principle whether we are conscious of it or not - of faith! In between all context and cultures in the world, regardless of how bizarre and foreign they are, Islam should always stay firm. So how does it do that? In what possible way can Islam do that?

By holding to the principle: we mix, but we don't blend. 

You know, like fruit salad and mashed potato.

Fruit salad don't blend; they are mixed with mayo, thousand island etc. But when pour in water, grapes still grapes, strawberry still strawberry, mayo still mayo (or diluted mayo, but still mayo) But not mashed potato; butter, milk all smashed together nyam nyam that there is no way you can return them back into their original state.

That is how we ought to be.

Living among the Western community as a minority isn't an excuse to not practise Islam the way we should - the way Prophet SAW did. 

"Verily in the Messenger of Allah, you have the best example of him …" 33:21

He did not leave the non-muslims behind his principle in life. He fed the poor even long before he became the prophet. Who were the poor back then? The not-yet-muslims. Dealing with the poor means more than we think. If we are loved by them, it's a sign that we are also loved by God. The way we deal with them portrays the actual way we deal with God through our prayers. 

Principle or belief isn't a barrier to freedom. Instead, the starting point of a religious belief is freedom. That point in life when we start to understand our religion is the exact time when we are actually set free from each and every oppression that are still existing in human history; intellectual, economical and psychological etc. So, under what argument are you using that the action of holding firm to a religious belief pull you away from freedom? 

Islam is indeed about a conviction with a free mind. 

When we muslims are asked about the meaning of being a muslims, the answer "submission" is very misleading. That's a pure wrong usage of English word.

Submission in linguistic context of English language means not free. It means you are being controlled, colonised, restricted from total freedom. It relates to our attitude towards many things in life such as money, job, kids - all can be a form of submission. To think again, it's funny the way we think that it's our freedom to donate or not donate money to charity, because the truth is, when we refuse to donate, that heavy heart of ours is a sign of self-colonisation by our own money as the subject of submission. That's why Islam teaches the principle of generosity. Here are the simplified equations:

to Islam = submission + freedom
but to the West = submission - freedom 

Therefore, when we explain to the non-muslims, what being a muslims means, we should answer "submission solely to the one and only God." And that, my friend, is the true definition of a muslim. 

Then, the next question arises, why are you here in the middle of non-muslims community? Why don't you go to muslims countries to practise your religion? Are you here to convert people? To make the UK and Ireland as a Islamic country like Saudi or Egypt or Jordan? You sure you want to do that? Because Prophet SAW didn't convert people 36:6

Or are you here to show good muslims character so that it becomes your contribution for Islam with you presence here. Correct. That was what our most beloved men did - to lead by example. 

We are challenged by our presence here, don't we? Endless doubts and thoughts are being questioned to us as if they are meant to freed our mind from oppression that they say coming from our principle and religious belief in Islam. But that's the advantage of being a minority. We are challenged to understand our own religion from the doubts and thoughts from the non-muslims. What should we do when are asked by those critical questions, you ask?

We listen to the question. A right muslim mind would find the right answer to it after s/he listens. If we don't know the answer yet because we don't have the knowledge about it, don't stop there. Like I said, a right muslims mind will find the answer nonetheless.

Here's a trick to answering those questions; the power of answering isn't exactly the answer, but the capacity of questioning the question. This is the power of a pure critical mind. 

I don't know la how to end this. Well, I really hope I summarised well what I learned from Prof Dr Ramadan's speech. He was amazing but my essay is entah pape entah tatau apo nak jadi eh jang. I hope you get correct ideas from the points I'm trying to explain as I included some opinions and elaboration of my own and also from kulsem and everything, so it's like a mashed potato oso hohoho. Wallahualam.

ps/ one of the magical things about this speech is that he answered all my questions I been questioning very deeply since I arrived here without me asking directly to the person. My questions have been condemned and ignored by some others before but alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah, even it took 200+ euro and hours of journey to get to the answer , I couldn't be more grateful :)

Finals in 5 days. Ingatku dalam doamu! Wassalamualaikumwarahmatullah.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

first event attended in the West


Galway is getting more awesome day by day. I'm getting more familiar with the weather, people, places and even the smell! I don't mind if it's ceruk kampung beruk takde dapat pegi mane but I have already liked it enough like home! But then, I had a short getaway from home to a foreign place.

I really like the UK. I never thought I would like it there this much but I really do. Here are some reasons why :D

I met new British-muslims friends, Nadia and Sadia from London. They were very nice and funny people with so-oh sexay British accent that when greeted me with 'assalamualaykum', they made it sound so perfect. But I like them more than that. They donated £5000 to the charity for poor children during the event. I don't know about you, but to me, that amount of money is enormous, it makes up about RM20k! Yet I also learn that the more you value money, the more you are attached to the dunya. Thank you for teaching me this, sisters. May Allah reward you better! 

 There was also gathering of Syakirahs :P introducing, Syakirah KA, Nik Syakirah AA and Syakirah A :D

Re-united with some KMB friends who are currently studying in the UK. Show off beg lettew.

And taraaaaa, this was the event. United for Change, Making the World a Better Place on 1st Dec in Logan Hall, London. I am so sorry that I'm bias towards Prof Dr Tariq Ramadan as I only took his photo, but he made so much sense that I wish I could pause the time during his speech. 

I still remember writing my first post on him, and how I was amazed with almost every sentence he made, but sorry, I won't be able to write on his speech (and the others' too). Maybe next time. I'm writing this simply because I truly treasure this 24-hours visit to London only and solely because of the atmosphere I experienced during the event.

Ergh. I feel like writing the content of their speeches now pulak. 

No, no, you have to study, Sya. You kena jadi pandai, bukan poyo jeee. 

Oh yea, by the way, I have sharpened my colour pencils ;)

Barangsiapa yang menuju jalan menuntut ilmu, Maka Allah permudahkan baginya jalan ke syurga.. 
(Hadis Riwayat Ahmad, abu daud dan Ibnu Majah, Tirmizi)

Monday, November 12, 2012

a sin that reminds. harshly.



Today was the worst day so far since I arrived here. Not because of Anatomy or no money to buy lunch, but because of me, a sinner. 

Me and my friends were waiting for Dunaras bus to come fetch us after a long day of lectures, study group and Anatomy lab. I was holding my very heavy bag with my hand cos I was really tired to carry it at my back. My energy was draining fast because I was fasting and had not yet eaten proper meal even though the Maghrib prayer had passed. I used every millijoule energy I had left to move my limbs to get myself into the bus and reach home safely to get good food for my tummy.

But none of those are acceptable excuse for the sin I committed. 

When I was just a few steps away to get into the bus, I felt something at my left shoe. So, I looked down. It was an empty can of Coke. 

Here comes the evil part of my story.

I looked at it for a sec before I looked away, not bothering to pick it up. 

"Tak elok betul buang sampah merata-rata."

"I don't drink Coke. Hmph."

Then, I went straight up into the bus and here I am at home in my room. Never felt as guilty and shameful before. Want to know why?

Here's the most evil part.

The moment after I got into the bus, a blind lady, Heather heard the sound of the can rolling on the road. She didn't take the bus because she lives somewhere else. I didn't realise she was there until my friends who were behind me that time told me about her. And they told me this too: She actually bend over trying to find the can with her very own hand while another hand holding a walking stick which barely put her in balance. It was raining fairly and the tar was muddy. The mud splashed all over while her hand still busy patting the tar to find the can. Until she found it and hold it very closely to herself. 

I felt ashamed of myself. As a person, a medical student, a Malaysian, on top of all, a muslim and a slave of His. It was a can of Coke, and it was all it takes for this heart to be conscious of its disgraceful state. 

and like Jia Wei told me just now "We make mistakes while we learn. Just continue learning from the mistake, Sya."I should find Heather tomorrow and thank her for what she thought me insyaAllah.

Allahumma innaka 'afu wun tuhibbul 'afwa fa fu'anni.. ameen...

Saturday, November 10, 2012

I need to buy a sharpener


It's weekend again. And I'm here in my room alone again. Haha, mana ada emo. I like being alone, but I hate loneliness though. Well, you can be alone without feeling lonely, or can't you?

My level of homesickness has declined quite significantly since the past few days. I try to distract myself away from few things and people I used to be too attached to, so that I learn independency, to be on my own. I did a major change in myself too - I talk less. I don't know, maybe sket je kottt. But at some stage, I feel as if I am 'numb'. Certain things are not as interesting as they were before. I barely laugh at jokes. I hardly like new clothes on online website. I differently respond to people. 

And I don't pamper myself with new stationeries too!

Thank you, Faber-Castell, you make my life complete :'D I no longer feel the need to buy highlighters, magic pens, coloured pens, markers, ball pens that make me crazeyhhhh nak beliiiiyhh everytime I go to stationeries shop. But I still need a sharpener tho..

Well, perhaps that's the key. There are many things in life, that we own, are things that we don't need. Yet we don't know how much they are actually unneeded. People say you never know what you have until it's gone. How about this - you never know what you need until you lose everything. Well, not practically everything, because I still have money to buy stationeries if I want to, but I figure out that that I can survive with little more less that what I used to have, in fact, some are better than before. 

I am always in love with my family. I love my friends and people around me. They are full of colours, fun, cool gilos and everything I have ever asked for. But that doesn't mean I have to stay comfortable with things and people I have. I have to move forward too. And to do that, I have to move my own feet. Therefore, just like the colours, I still am colouring, but with my bits and pieces, by my own way. 

I guess, what I am trying to convey is that, I have started to feel that I belong here. Those dreams about home and Bambam and Semsem, I still have them hahaha but it's okay, I'm good. They make me happy, but not sad anymore. I have to focus what I come here for, but not to let go from where I came from, and most importantly, what I bring in my heart everywhere I go ;)

"..boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal ianya baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

bad feeling can be a good thing

People use the word 'hurt' so often. Well, I do that, too. To me, every time I get hurt, I literally experience an abnormal heart condition. It beats very differently that I can feel it in my throat. I'm not kidding. It hurts, so badly, that to admit that I am hurts even more. It's like putting on plaster on a wound. It will reduce the pain, but just by putting it on the skin, it hurts more than the cut did.

But at least, I feel the hurt.

What if I don't? What if one day all in a sudden I lost my pain receptors? What if I don't feel anything at all? Tell me what's good about that?

It's worse comes to worst.

I now understand why some people do things others can't understand. For example, when someone kicks an old man

"dudeee why on earth you did that to him? He's so nice to you, he din do anything wronggg. What has got into you??"

"eiiii sampainya hati buat camtuuuu. Tak elok gileee buat orang camtuhh. Jahatnye ish ish ishhhh."

"it's common sense! Come on!"

Maybe because he just feels like doing it. Or maybe because he just doesn't feel anything.

Therefore, be happy when you feel something. Even if it's negative. He the All-Knower is teaching you on sabr and acceptance - how to switch from negativity to positivity. Like when your heart aches because of a sin you commit, it's the imaan that hurts. That also shows that your limbic system is working well :)

But when the system is down, you are screwed.


Friday, October 12, 2012

a heart that aches when another heart is strayed


"So am I your first Muslim friend?" I asked.

They nodded with fair excitement on their faces. They were sleepy because class started at 8 am that day. Then, I told them that we Muslims wake up at 5 or 6 for prayer every day. They were more than shocked. Haha. It shows that they are curious about us Muslims; what we do on daily basis, how we feel about drinking and party, why do we Muslimah wear scarf - how do we live life as differently than they do? Well, I'm curious too. I have asked my cool housemate, getting-closer friend, Jia Wei, a Christian, if I could follow her to the church to visit the inside. And she said okay :)

But not to nightclub or pub.

Kelakar rasanya bila fikir pasal how irony some Muslims are. Islam means peace, so, it brings peace to our life. Every one wants to live a peaceful life; life without misery and much complexity. That what Islam offers. Sebab tu jugak nikmat terbesar dalam hidup yang tak tahan lama ni adalah Islam dan Imaan, regardless of how little amount you have in heart, at least you have it there. But somewhere, somehow things are way weirder than I thought. 

How could you let go of nikmaat for maksiaat?

Umpamanya, taknak makan Kenny Rogers sebab nak makan biskut mayat kat rumah walaupun ada orang nak belanja. Serius. It doesn’t make sense at all to me. So.......................... weird. 

I walk slowly while thinking the reason for the weirdness. But then I figured out that this is the simple logic, which we poorly understand almost throughout our whole life.

Kebenaran and kebatilan are significantly distinctive. [Ref- Al Anbiya:18]

We know the rights and wrongs. We really do. Antara layan Internet and solat Fardhu, which one is the right thing to do? Antara perhabehkan duit mak ayah untuk beli iPong padahal tak reti guna pun and guna henpon canggih yang sedia ado, which one is the right thing to do? Even if we don't know or not sure about it, our hearts still, certainly, know it. Lets use reverse principle of magnet. Basically, all hearts are good hearts because it's a gift from God. So, good heart is attracted to goodness and vice versa. When it meets less goodness, the attraction is not very strong. But when it meets the evil, it moves away from each other. When you try to put them back close, the heart still strongly repels and vibrates because it isn't in its nature to be attracted to the opposite. 

Yes, nature of the heart.

This topic is also heavily related with the next topic, which is on Imaan and Nafsu, nanti kita belajar sama-sama yeee. The bottom line is that, to answer the question of why Muslims are not muslims, we need to go back to the basics. Not to get the exact answer to it, sebab banyaknyaaaa jawapaaaannnn, but to recall and revise the basic principles in Islam (also have a perfect manual to it - the Quran) that bring us to the ways of living a peaceful life, even for a very short while.

*Note to self: 

Frustration, disappointment and anger are negative. Negativity comes from the evil. The agents are the devils. So, don't bother much about them. Focus to the solution. Be smart, be sabirin. I swear by the name of Most Loving, people can change into better. Think, do and do'a. 

May you, my friend, turn back to the righteous path. Ameen ameen ameen.

Sunday, October 7, 2012



I still remember the time when I got a C for my UPSR Trial Exam back in 2004. It was Science and yalah, very down cos I targeted an excellent A. Macam bagus je kan. Walhal........ What I did was when I got back home, I took all the books there in my house and went straight to my room sambil nangis tersedu-sedan selak every single page of at least 10 thick books until I fell asleep because of too tired of crying, not of reading.

Few months later, result was coming out and I was near to be histerical at home. I repeatedly asked Abah "Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape." Oh yes, I am that annoying. I was very very very scared of not getting straight A's, but not because of kiasu, but because I was afraid that I could not keep up with all my big brothers who came up stage every year as top students in their batch. Scary kannnnn?

But you know what Abah says to me every time I got historical?

"Ala. Anak Abah mesti boleh punya. Don't worry lah." *sambil tengok Ultraman Gaia on the TV*

That is one of the most effective motivations I ever have in my entire life. I never lie when I say I'm lack of confidence in myself. I'm only good at pretending to be confident, but I am not. Well, trying hard to be so, but I am just not. Yet.

Therefore, I guess it's normal to not be confident, especially at this time when exam is just around the corner. A little adrenaline (a stress hormone) won't be as damaging if you can make the full use of it, little brother. By making the full use of it means, and only means, that you study the most efficient and productive way possible. There are no cara belajar yang paling berkesan di dunia that will work out for everyone in the world. No one knows cara belajar yang paling berkesan di dunia for you except you. I know you know it too because your results naik gile kot time Form 3 ni. So, can you recall how you did it? Now, go and do it again.

When I talk about confidence, it does not, at all, include the confidence in the Creator. One of my favourite way (should be yours too) when it gets nearer to exam is praying and praying and praying. He knows everything; the level of your knowledge and also, the state of your heart. Find yourself always near, or better, nearest to Him at this time around, so you can always be guided o the right answer, right study skill, right thing to do, right topic to read sebab masuk exam nanti - everything! This works, insyaAllah, for those who search for it. And my bro, it is called as tawakkal. Tawakkal and usaha are two nouns that move together unseparatedly, like apple juice. Mana boleh apple juice without apple = mana boleh usaha carik ilmu al-'Aalim without tawakkal to al-Razaaq!

Ekceli, apa yang Kakak Ya nak cakap is that, you can do this. You have the potential, whether you realise it or not. Kakak Ya tau je Anep cuak and nak je cakap padan muka exam hihi, tapi beyond that is the strength of yours that I myself may not have. Go do it, lil bro! I have faith in you! We all do!

Eh. Salah gambar.

Better. Ke tak? Hehehehehehehe.

Allahummar zuqna, Ya Rabbi fahaman nabiyyiin, wa hifzaal mursaliin, wa 'ilhaamal malaikatiil muqarrabbin, fii 'aafiyaati, ya Arhamar raahimiin. Ameen ya rabbal Alameen.

ps/ rasa diri ni kelakor sangat typo hysterical to historical. hihihi.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I wish I was a nerd

Banyak benor la hai nak baca untuk Anatomy. It's like entering a new place with their own foreign language. Endless terms, nearly-impossible-to-understand definitions, weird structures. I sometimes wish I did learn Latin, Arabs and God-knows-what language they use to adopt the terms. But okay la,  they are interesting, though. So interesting that I only started studying 4 hours after sitting on this chair. And continue being interesting after some time I felt partly demotivated and disinterested until I saw this:

"Sesungguhnya Allah SWT itu motivasi terbesar." - Bro HA.
"Keredhaan Allah SWT itu terletak pada keredhaan ibubapa." - Arabic idiom.

Resuming revision with bismillahirahmaanirraheem...

Saturday, September 15, 2012

chill people chill

I remember asking Sis Wardina's husband in a talk during a pre-departure programme,

"Is studying abroad overrated by everyone?"

He was studying in UK for architecture for 3 years and came back to Malaysia after. So, I, as a soon-to-be freshie was confused and unsure of my feelings going to overseas. Why is it everyone aiming for overseas university and look high upon overseas graduates. You know, people like "woahhhhhh" "fuyohhhhhh" "walaawwwehhhhh" when they know someone graduated from Yukey la Yu Es la Eiijip la. I used to be, or maybe still in that group of people but it was like a teen who wants a Mekbuk without actually knowing the high-tech features of it and so, end up wasting money on it as a mere overpriced Fesbuk and Twi-er machine.


Here I am, in a very cold morning that causes hypoventilationa , picturing my dry skin from face to toe with bloodshed platelet plug at both ends of my lips. Oh, the rain is heavier now. 

Good morning assalamualaikum, everyone! :D

*note: medical terms make stories more dramatic. I should really apply more of them lololololol.

first class in university duniawi gituw


"You can start your group discussion now." - Lecturer.

Then the 5 minutes of invisible mode passed like ages. I never actually felt as left out in any discussion I had in life. My opinions were always be heard, maybe not accepted (most of the time tak ponnn) but people listened. Or at least, they can SEE ME. 

But not yesterday; the very first class of medical degree for my group, Group A9, subject, MD139 Medical Professionalism 1.

I suddenly couldn't talk very well in English since day 1. Added with their thick accents, I still can't understand easily neither. But I can think though. Since the discussion or subject itself is a bit TOK-ish, I had few ideas in mind to throw which I was very confident would sound smart since TOK pun subject yang smart kannn. So I spoke out

"By the way, don't you think.."


"I mean, is it that.."


"Well, I still think.."


They didn't listen. Not even look at me. Yalah, maybe because they couldn't see me, so why the ketam they would want to listen to the unseen kan?????!!!!

Tenang, Sya, tenang....

Ehem, so what I mean to say is that, the first days of uni weren't a good story to tell my friends or juniors about. They can be good, if and only if, I decide to look at the bright side. Hey, I come here to study medicine; a tough course, I know that yet should also be reminded at times. Schools, KMB, or even kindergarten weren't not a piece of cake all the time, so why should I expect cheese cake this time for a medical degree in overseas university which had almost one third of students failed in first semester  exam last year? 


Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Allahuma rabbi yaasir wala tu'aseer. Ameen.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

bukan homesick okay.


It sure is Allah SWT's great power to allow me to have reached here this 16,452 km far from my home. Life has totally changed; I had not woken up in the same bed, eaten the same food, seen the same faces or even breathed the same smell of the nature for seven days now. 


Not as much as I imagined.

Scary ke?

Erm not really.

So, it's fun then?

*flying away*

I still remember Ibu's face as I was about to enter the KLIA escalator of fame la konon. She was looking at me with so many emotions I can't interpret till now, long and still - as if the world had stopped for a while. It was hours before that we had a lil misunderstanding about hand-carry bag I should bring. Just during the evening before, she bought a half-a-thousand ringgit Camel Active bag for me. Excluded the long John, winter pants and things else she bought only for me by her own money. So, I refused to bring the bag because I want her to have it. 

"Ibu, dah berapa kali dah Ya cakap, tak boleh bawak extra beg. Tak boleh!"

She didn't reply and stood quietly beside me; given up to my stubbornness. 

It is to my utmost surprise (totally is) that I didn't shed a single tear that day. I don't know why, I don't know how I did it. I easily cry at almost everything as simple as Toy Story 3 or Chemistry test result you know. Chemistry test tu over sket but I do have this deep and intense feelings for cartoons. Seriously. Well, not that I watch every single cartoon, but if there are movies to pick, cartoon wins any day without fail. This brought about my selection of movie during my flight:

Has anyone watched this movie?? Has anyone in this entire helpless world, regardless of any circumstances and challenges they have to face in order to use their few hours in life, to watch this???

Sya, jangan over sangat please.

This movie has brought down my ego-made shield. The mother, Queen Ellinor reminds me every bit of Ibu. And that beautiful-haired *ehem* daughter seems to have copycat my style and characters *ehem*. The mother is so much like Ibu that their voice sound the same! Or maybe it's just me I don't know. While the daughter is so rebellious and immature that I pun rasa kesian the mother dapat anak macam tu :P By the way, I will not attempt to write a synopsis here about the movie because you should watch it by yourself. But at my side, I believe Allah SWT has many diligent ways to open the eyes of the hearts to see what should have been seen in better way. I know I had seen so many love around me before in my own house but the appreciation goes beyond the miles between one another. 

So, this post is for you, Ibu, I have always missed you, no matter how far or this close we were once upon a fine day ago :) 

It also goes to you too, Abah. I know you miss me cos Kak Ngah said you were talking about me all the way to Langkawi a day after I flew off hihi. 


Monday, August 27, 2012

of road, happiness and future!


It's more less a week away before pursuing medical degree. I am turning 20 years and 20 years of life have I went through. There are a lot of times I look at the mirror wondering 'who is she gonna be when she becomes an adult' I sometimes scare myself the steps I'm taking because I know life is a result of the congregation of steps one's taken in his or her life. And here is another step I had turned away half-way from about 2 years ago.

I was a proud IIUM student for 3 months. And am a proud ex-IIUM student for life chewahh. I remember filling the UPU forms with all ten choices of IPTA as IIUM. Heartbreakingly, I didn't manage to get myself into medicine at first, I was a pharmacy student. But still proud because pharmacy students are so cool yow (with reference to Aqilah Zakaria and Asmalinda ;) Only after a changing-course appealing process that I got into medical programme. I did attend few classes; Biology, Chemistry, Knowledge of Islam (tak ingat the exact name of the subject) and they were more than fun! Islamic values are instilled ingeniously in lectures and even orientation - the priceless element in a muslim's journey of seeking knowledge that you barely get elsewhere, especially in overseas ehem. I still remember some of the lectures, new friends, food in cafeteria, and announcement board. Basically, I'm just trying to say that I did fall in love with the atmosphere!

And then the fine, handsome, dreamy world ended when I chose to take a turn to another side of the road.

So, I survived the two-years IB programme instead of a year foundation in CFS IIUM, PJ. 

A mere turn in life might be both good and bad. I'm looking at the old me through the old pictures dated more than a year ago. She was such a happy person. My eyes literally smiled when I was happy. I was happy. As far as I can remember, life wasn't held easier than it is now, but it was sure not as tiresome as it has been for this year around. It tires me day by day and almost, almost, makes me completely forget the happiness I celebrated in me for longer time before. 

No, I am not saying that this road I'm taking is wrong. In fact, I can never be sure of that.

I am just saying that, perhaps it's time to be happy again, if happiness means strength, gratefulness and positivity. Even if there always be the other road I would look back and no matter how many times I wonder 'what if I did the opposite? where would I be by now? would I pass into IIUM medical school?' I am still on this same road I have chosen and might be on it for the rest of my life. It's not too much to say (at least to me) that I am still traumatized with incidents in life I had faced with people I loved not so long ago on this journey, which I have never faced any such kind before. A major shake of life, I tell youuu. But hey, 

"Dan janganlah kamu merasa lemah dan bersedih hati sebab kamu paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang beriman." 3:139

You get my point or nottttt?

Ibu      :  Ya sebenarnya jadi ape besar nanti? Nak buat bisnes ke ape ke?
Sya    : Ya sebenarnya boleh imagine diri Ya jadi doktor and lecturer je. Yang lain takde pun. Kalo boleh, sekarang jugak Ya nak jadi doktor.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

half a Raya post


It was a long while since I had been deteriorating my own heart by holding back myself from writing. Many words and lines never fail to ruthlessly reappear in mind over and over again, asking for freedom from the cage I caved for weeks. How was I supposed to end this torture? While my heart shattered into pieces, my eyes barely closed to find dreams that I thoughtfully wished, were better than reality.

Long story short, Poppu (nama laptop lama) dah rosak, so tak boleh online yow. Alhamdulillah, Poppucu (nama laptop baru) is here to make me less of a drama-and-desperate-for-writing queen :D

This izzz Poppu! Poppucu is still a shy shy one. But anywayssssss.....

Raya has been awesome! Ironically, nothing awesome actually happened. Really. But the thought of seeing everyone after a year just made the days awesome than IB days (what a comparison, right) It's relieving too the fact that everyone seems to be more interested in talking about me flying off next 2 weeks that getting married early WOHOOOO! This must be because I have many grandmas and granddads, and they are pretty rockin' to be firm supporters for early marriage. And here's the most rockin' one: (totally unrelated to marriage topic)

Atok is definitely one of my most favourite men in the world! He is tufted fun, caring and adorable all at the same time. What makes him more special is me; makes him a cool Atok to have a cool granddaughter. Hehehehehhehehe. This Raya I have unleashed gitu one more trait of him; loving. Not an ordinary loving, but an extraordinary one.

Is it too much to say that a daughter means the world to a father even if she has a world of her own? I have no clue how much a father could actually love his daughter but I bet my father has not giving any hint either. But well, my Abah is one of a kind who tries all out to find me a mere sheet of tissue in the car because I have cold; or repeatedly knocks on my door just to check if I'm okay inside of my OWN room; or guarantees me that he has all the money in the world to buy me the world.  I'm not spoiled, or maybe I am, but I am not sure if I appreciate him enough. My Abah is more or less like my Atok. The same traits and the same tenderness of love. But based on the living proof I have witnessed, I   wish to not repeat the same story I heard this year Eid.

My point is............. appreciate those few men in your life (boyfriend is strictly excluded). Even if it's the Eid, not Father's Day. This Eid, isn't only celebration of winning the nafs during Ramadhan; it's a celebration of love, too.  

I use this photo for the Eid hoping people get my message right. Other than my inai is pretty,

Happy Eid! Maaf zahir dan batin everyone!

ps/ many complaint I always leave my sentence/stories hanging. Well, habit dies hard :P

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

how's my university life?

not really good.. I think I flunked my mid-semester exam..


It is the 6th day of Ramadhan, means that 1/6 of Ramadhan has passed. Also means that I just finished my mid-semester exam for semester 1.

University of Ramadhan provides a special programme for chosen ones (Muslims only) all over the world. It has no fee, fixed classes and even visible professors. It is, however, a forced programme as anyone alive is held compulsory to enter the programme either they want it or not. Like any other universities, the students bear 100% responsibilities to decide their path throughout the whole 30 days-programme. Yes, the shortest university programme in the world so far. Yet, the most blessful one known in mankind history.   

  • Subjects:

  1. Suhoor & Iftaar
  2. Hunger and Thirst (skills for Sabr are vital to get good grade)
  3. Zikrullah 
  4. Gaze Lowering
  5. Money Saving
  6. Qiammulail

  •  Bonus point:

  1. Quraan Recitals
  2. Taraweekh
  3. Sadqa
*We have also Internal Assesment done by no other but ourselves, also External Assesment that are done by the All-knower.

This is no imagination. It is a true story. Well, for those who are keen to succeed in graduating first class honour of Lailatul Qadr. Because some of us, in fact, many of us are not even aware they are in the programme. Their days pass by like normal days and their heart and soul starve just like the stomach. So, which one are you?

I am not sure myself, too :'(

made by a very very good childhood friend, Zahra Tajuddin! Mabrook for this A-grade assignment!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

what to bring and do during Umrah


         Ini post istimewa gituw sempena bulan Ramadhan yang bakal menjelma. Chewah. Semestinya ada beberapa daripada kawan-kawan tercinta gituw telah dijemput, sedang dijemput atau bakal dijemput untuk menjadi tetamu Baitullah fi Haramain. Saya, antara yang, alhamdulillah, telah dijemput berbeso hati untuk berkongsi beberapa tips agar kita dapat menjalani ibadah yang begitu bermakna ini dengan kemudahan insyaAllah.

1.   Baby Q 

Opkos this is first in the list. Al Quranul Kareem is essentially important to be carried with you wherever you go. A handy one is highly recommended.

You know, I have this one sweet memory in Masjidil Haram. Sambil menunggu waktu solat, saya baca Quran sorang-sorang. Tiba-tiba orang Arab sebelah datang betul-betul dekat sebelah saya. Rupanya dia tengah menunduk dengar sambil teresak-esak. Saya pun berhenti bacaan, tapi dia bagi isyarat tangan supaya sambung semula. Bukan sekali ni jadi, bahkan beberapa kali wah. Rupa-rupanya Ibu bagitau yang banyak orang Arab (Badwi terutamanya) buta huruf; tak pandai baca Quran walaupun tahu cakap Arab. So so so, bacalah Quran banyak-banyak sebab mana kita tau hati siapa yang kita sentuh dengan bacaan kita yang tak berapa sedap tu!

2.   Botol minum 

Rasailah kenikmatan air zam-zam dengan penuh penghayatan sepanjang masa dan ketika.. *menangis*

3.  Beg silang mahal (murah lebih afdal)

Beri beri useful to put important things inside. Jangan silang tepi, letak kat depan. Tak kisahlah nampak macam ibu mengandung, better be safe than sorry.

4.   Botol wuduk

Jom belajar mengambil wuduk dengan spray! Cool okay. Orang Arab keliling confirm pandang dengan penuh kekaguman.

5.  Jubah yes, for both genders.

Pakaian terbaik untuk mengerjakan umrah. Walaupun panasnya membuatkan mulut tak berkata-kata, orang Arab lek je selubung jubah hitam satu badan. Sebenarnya cuaca kat Mekah dan Madinah adalah panas kering. Oleh itu, jarang sebenarnya nak berpeluh dan kalau berpeluh pun cepat kering. Bau badan pun tiada! Kalau ada, mungkin banyak dosa, jadi zikir banyak-banyak.

Perempuan tak payah pakai telekung pun takpe, pakailah jubah lengkap habis tutup semua aurat bawak solat. Selain daripada dapat feeling jadi orang Arab, it makes things easier!

6.  Purdah/Facemask (no purdah for men please)

you know which is which.

Sekarang ni banyak construction kat Mekah tu, jadinya banyak habuk. Pernah je orang main bom-bom bangunan tepi jalan. Nose Dust Respirator yang sumbat kat hidung tu okay, tapi saya rasa tak selasa. Sebab hidung comel sangat hehehehehehehehehehehe.

7.   Shades

Sangat membantu untuk lawatan Maqam Baqi', Jabal Thur, Jabal Uhud dan sebagainya! 

Warning : Jangan pakai semasa dalam ihram. Ada khilaf di situ. Takpelah panas sket, mana tau dapat hilangkan dosa mata. Banyak kannnnnnnnnnnnn?

8.   Khuf. Chewah. You know, footwear.

Perempuan boleh pakai stokin tebal-tebal sebab kaki perempuan ni halus gituw. Nak tawaf dan saie' pun rasa selesa. Ada jual jugak kat tepi-tepi jalan dengan harga 3 for 10 riyal! (paling murah dapat, paling bangga). Kalau boleh, carik yang panjang dan tapak cambest supaya tak tertanggal dan tergelincir opocot.
Lelaki tak pakai pun sebab lantai dalam Masjidil Haram diperbuat daripada marmar yang tak panas. Jadi jangan risau kaki tak terbakar punyeee semasa tawaf. Kalau terbakar jugak, banyak dosa kaki aiyok.

9.  Sun protection! - UV cream, lip balm, heel balm

Selain daripada banyak minum air dan pakai purdah, these products do help. This brand is beri beri recommended too because they are perfume-free and I must say, super effective too.

10.   Sejadah 

Kain kecik will do just fine in case you can't find carpeted place to perform prayers. Lelaki 'control macho tak men la pakai sejadah' adalah kes biasa. 

11.   Tasbih

Do, do, do zikr as much as possible. "Zikir yang paling utama ialah LailahaillAllah." [HR Tarmidhi]

12.   Buku gantung

Sebenarnya doa yang terbaik ialah doa yang datang daripada hati. Tak berkesan rasanya doa yang dibacakan dengan mulut tapi tak terkesan untuk hati. Untuk permulaan, boleh lah baca doa yang ditulis tu sebab doanya memang masyuk, tapi dah beberapa kemudian kalinya, hadirkan hati yang terbaik untuk meminta hajat yang tulus. Allah SWT tau tu insyaAllah.

Untuk perempuan, kalau boleh, jangan gantung kat luar telekung sebab nanti ada garisan kuning kesan kotoran euw. Sebenarnya pegang pun okay sebab nanti sakit tengkuk (ke saya je), well, this is when beg silang become very useful.

13.   Technology ewah

Mari kita variasikan ibadat yow. Bila mulut dah penat, tangan dan kaki dan menggeletar, rehatkan badan dengan ibadat telinga. I wish I downloaded more Quran recitals and Islamic songs in my phone because they do help you to stay in the righteous mood. 

Serious Warning : Detach yourself from the dunya; eg : Facebook and Twitter. It has been too long you have given your heart to the dunya and it's time to reclaim your heart to its rightful Owner. You know what I mean.

14.   Tongkat (Gua Hira')

Tak semua rasanya akan melawat Gua Hira' sebab perjalanannya sungguh dahhsyat. Tapi ooooseeeeeem. But this is a beri beri usefool tool for those who willing to risk their life. I know you think you're young and your backbone made of steel but teeeeeras me you memang perlukan tongkat! Experience it to believe it.

Special tips jeng jeng jeng...

15.   Datang solat awal

Salin waktu solat siap-siap letak dalam beg silang mahal. Always be aware of the time. And the best time to be in Masjidil Haram aw Masjid Nabawi is about an hour before. 

This is special for women, jaga tempat solat betul-betul and when I said betul-betul it means no tipu-tipu. Sit exactly on the very bottom, not at the front (tempat sujud). Orang Arab sebenarnya agak kasar jadi jangan nangis kalau dia rampas tempat duduk atau tolak kepala. Sewiyews saya sampai pernah kena sepak kepala sobs. Tapi takpe. Jom husnuzon. Yang terbaik ialah bersabar dan menghormati antara satu sama lain, terutamanya yang tua.

Serious Warning : Jangan berkasar dalam masjid. Dosa tu dah berlambak nak tambah lagi ke?

16.   Iktikaf selalu

Rasailah kenikmatan Qiamullail di Masjidil Haram *menangis lebih deras* Kalau boleh bawak bekalan makanan dalam tupperware untuk bekalan makanan or in this case, sahur. Trust me, you don't wanna miss this chance.

17.   Find yourself close with mutaweef/mutaweefah

Tuntutlah ilmu dan cerita pengajaran sebanyak mungkin daripada ketua rombongan. Trust me, you'll be more than amazed to know how cool they really are :)

         WAllahualam, ini sahaja yang mampu saya kongsikan sebab saya pun excited tengok kawan-kawan nak mengerjakan Umrah. InsyaAllah untuk kawan-kawan yang berpeluang, jadikan umrah maqbulah wa mabrurah sebagai cita-cita. Last but not the least,

"Sesiapa yang berhaji (umrah) kerana Allah, kemudian (selama berhaji) dia tidak berkata-kata kotor dan berbuat dosa, maka dia pulang seperti bayi yang baru dilahirkan ibunya (bersih dari dosa)." [HR Bukhari dari Abu Hurairah]

ps/ when you have reached back home insyaAllah, tell me what is the picture I have there for my blog header okay ;) 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Ramadhan's coming up, Ramadan gave a talk

Believers are happy as Ramadhan approaching. -

So aaarreeee yyyooouuuu haaaappppyyyyy? I'm on all excitement ohhhhhhhhhh. It's 3 days away insyaAllah, which means in less than 80 hours we'll be in the month of barakah that (hopefully) been waiting by all creatures in this whoollleee wwwiiiiddeeee wwwoooorrrlldddddd :D

This is another Ramadan, namely Prof Tariq Ramadhan (nothing funny, seriously) grandchild of Hassan al Banna, authors of mind-blowing books and mind-opening speaker. To be honest, I only knew him last year when I bought his book "The Western Muslim and The Future of Islam". [recommended for overseas students, or future at least] But last night talk was really something. The topic was "In the Footsteps of the Prophet and How Muslims Should Contribute to the World." Here are some undeniably brilliant arguments he brought in:
  • To answer the famous question of what will happen to people who have never heard of Islam, it is first to question our responsibility to spread Islam itself (da'wah). Why question so much about others' belief when the quality of our own imaan is doubted?

  • Another famous statement that is widely used in the society is
Allah is watching you every second.

It is most likely misunderstood because people take it as if Allah SWT only sees our mistakes. But actually, it means that Allah is near to you; Allah is close to our intentions every during our wrong steps even if people can't see that. It is not Allah to be scared, but to loving instead. Rahmatullah yow! You know, our relationship with Allah is a love story :)

  • It is okay to have many questions in head, or in other words, doubts. I always, always experience this T.T But let us question ourselves, do we doubt ourselves or do we doubt lailahaillah? They are by far different you see. But but but if you're happy with the contradictions with yourself, it's sign of hypocrisy, and if you're struggling with it, it's sincerity.

  • Poor people : neglected by powered people, celebrated by believers. To be loved by the poor is a sign that you are loved by Him~

  • This one I loike the mossstttt
Islam is not against the West, not about the opposite from the West.
Islam is not harsh.
Islam is easy and make things easy for people.
and Islam is about doing the right. Western people can be more right than us Muslims too.

  • By asking "Is God loving me?" is a sign that He is close with your because He is within the question itself!

I seghiyewsly have more to write but I'm trying not to look too excited ehem. I also met Sis Wardina and her husband, Hilal Asyraf and Aiman Azlan in person. Okay foine, I actually saw them from afar T.T But welllll, the atmosphere was magnificent. I fell in love with the people I met and the ideas I heard (by not only the speaker of course) The talk was really a blessing, the pre-departure programme was too, and for those, I feel blessed!

And I know I'll feel more blessed when I reach the Mubarak month insyaAllah :)

Friday, July 13, 2012

genap setahun bercinta

Dearest Ahmad Aslim bin Iswandi Harahap & Muhammad Aqif Naufal bin Muhammad Hanafi,

You guys have been a blessing. Bukan sejak lahir, tapi sejak dapat berita Along dengan Kak Ngah mengandung lagi. Walaupun pernah ada kesedihan yang saaangat mendalam untuk keluarga ni, kehadiran kamu berdua saaaaangat menggembirakan. Sangat sangat sampai rasa nak melompat. Tengok lah muka-muka lahir ni, suci sungguh tak terkata subhanAllah :')

ohmaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii apa dah jadi kat korang niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :O

Well well well, don't blame me :P Apa-apa pun, Sem Sem, Bam Bam, kamu berdua dah berjaya menambat hati sekalian penduduk rumah malahan penduduk bumi untuk menyayangi kamu. Walaupun baru umur setahun, DAN masih lagi bercakap bahasa alien, do know that us family love you muchy muchy muah muah. SELAMAT HARI JADI YANG PERTAMAAAAAAAA!

Semsem: "Psstt. Oi Naufal, tite ade bite(berita) na titau ni."

 Bambam: "Haaaa bite peeee. Tatut aaa tite huaaaaa." 

Semsem: "Tu nampa ta kek tu?" 
Bambam: "Uuuu. Tite da tau da huuuu."

Bambam: "Ashlim, bibi cam tite ley mamam ke kek ni Ashlim?" 
Semsem: "..."(terkedu)

"Ala ta tesah ahhh. Janji tite dapat adiah heeeeeee."

Bambam: "Ashlim, apshal Abi lak patai(pakai) adiah untuk tite ni Ashlim?" *moody*
Semsem: "Taghikkk Nopall taghikkkkkkkkk!"

Semoga Allah SWT jadikan kamu berdua anak-anak yang soleh (bukan anak kite ponggggggggggg) amin.