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Bismillahirrahmanirraheem.

I still remember the time when I got a C for my UPSR Trial Exam back in 2004. It was Science and yalah, very down cos I targeted an excellent A. Macam bagus je kan. Walhal........ What I did was when I got back home, I took all the books there in my house and went straight to my room sambil nangis tersedu-sedan selak every single page of at least 10 thick books until I fell asleep because of too tired of crying, not of reading.

Few months later, result was coming out and I was near to be histerical at home. I repeatedly asked Abah "Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape." Oh yes, I am that annoying. I was very very very scared of not getting straight A's, but not because of kiasu, but because I was afraid that I could not keep up with all my big brothers who came up stage every year as top students in their batch. Scary kannnnn?

But you know what Abah says to me every time I got historical?

"Ala. Anak Abah mesti boleh punya. Don't worry lah." *sambil tengok Ultraman Gaia on the TV*

That is one of the most effective motivations I ever have in my entire life. I never lie when I say I'm lack of confidence in myself. I'm only good at pretending to be confident, but I am not. Well, trying hard to be so, but I am just not. Yet.

Therefore, I guess it's normal to not be confident, especially at this time when exam is just around the corner. A little adrenaline (a stress hormone) won't be as damaging if you can make the full use of it, little brother. By making the full use of it means, and only means, that you study the most efficient and productive way possible. There are no cara belajar yang paling berkesan di dunia that will work out for everyone in the world. No one knows cara belajar yang paling berkesan di dunia for you except you. I know you know it too because your results naik gile kot time Form 3 ni. So, can you recall how you did it? Now, go and do it again.

When I talk about confidence, it does not, at all, include the confidence in the Creator. One of my favourite way (should be yours too) when it gets nearer to exam is praying and praying and praying. He knows everything; the level of your knowledge and also, the state of your heart. Find yourself always near, or better, nearest to Him at this time around, so you can always be guided o the right answer, right study skill, right thing to do, right topic to read sebab masuk exam nanti - everything! This works, insyaAllah, for those who search for it. And my bro, it is called as tawakkal. Tawakkal and usaha are two nouns that move together unseparatedly, like apple juice. Mana boleh apple juice without apple = mana boleh usaha carik ilmu al-'Aalim without tawakkal to al-Razaaq!

Ekceli, apa yang Kakak Ya nak cakap is that, you can do this. You have the potential, whether you realise it or not. Kakak Ya tau je Anep cuak and nak je cakap padan muka exam hihi, tapi beyond that is the strength of yours that I myself may not have. Go do it, lil bro! I have faith in you! We all do!

Eh. Salah gambar.

Better. Ke tak? Hehehehehehehe.

Allahummar zuqna, Ya Rabbi fahaman nabiyyiin, wa hifzaal mursaliin, wa 'ilhaamal malaikatiil muqarrabbin, fii 'aafiyaati, ya Arhamar raahimiin. Ameen ya rabbal Alameen.


ps/ rasa diri ni kelakor sangat typo hysterical to historical. hihihi.