Monday, August 27, 2012

of road, happiness and future!


It's more less a week away before pursuing medical degree. I am turning 20 years and 20 years of life have I went through. There are a lot of times I look at the mirror wondering 'who is she gonna be when she becomes an adult' I sometimes scare myself the steps I'm taking because I know life is a result of the congregation of steps one's taken in his or her life. And here is another step I had turned away half-way from about 2 years ago.

I was a proud IIUM student for 3 months. And am a proud ex-IIUM student for life chewahh. I remember filling the UPU forms with all ten choices of IPTA as IIUM. Heartbreakingly, I didn't manage to get myself into medicine at first, I was a pharmacy student. But still proud because pharmacy students are so cool yow (with reference to Aqilah Zakaria and Asmalinda ;) Only after a changing-course appealing process that I got into medical programme. I did attend few classes; Biology, Chemistry, Knowledge of Islam (tak ingat the exact name of the subject) and they were more than fun! Islamic values are instilled ingeniously in lectures and even orientation - the priceless element in a muslim's journey of seeking knowledge that you barely get elsewhere, especially in overseas ehem. I still remember some of the lectures, new friends, food in cafeteria, and announcement board. Basically, I'm just trying to say that I did fall in love with the atmosphere!

And then the fine, handsome, dreamy world ended when I chose to take a turn to another side of the road.

So, I survived the two-years IB programme instead of a year foundation in CFS IIUM, PJ. 

A mere turn in life might be both good and bad. I'm looking at the old me through the old pictures dated more than a year ago. She was such a happy person. My eyes literally smiled when I was happy. I was happy. As far as I can remember, life wasn't held easier than it is now, but it was sure not as tiresome as it has been for this year around. It tires me day by day and almost, almost, makes me completely forget the happiness I celebrated in me for longer time before. 

No, I am not saying that this road I'm taking is wrong. In fact, I can never be sure of that.

I am just saying that, perhaps it's time to be happy again, if happiness means strength, gratefulness and positivity. Even if there always be the other road I would look back and no matter how many times I wonder 'what if I did the opposite? where would I be by now? would I pass into IIUM medical school?' I am still on this same road I have chosen and might be on it for the rest of my life. It's not too much to say (at least to me) that I am still traumatized with incidents in life I had faced with people I loved not so long ago on this journey, which I have never faced any such kind before. A major shake of life, I tell youuu. But hey, 

"Dan janganlah kamu merasa lemah dan bersedih hati sebab kamu paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang beriman." 3:139

You get my point or nottttt?

Ibu      :  Ya sebenarnya jadi ape besar nanti? Nak buat bisnes ke ape ke?
Sya    : Ya sebenarnya boleh imagine diri Ya jadi doktor and lecturer je. Yang lain takde pun. Kalo boleh, sekarang jugak Ya nak jadi doktor.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

half a Raya post


It was a long while since I had been deteriorating my own heart by holding back myself from writing. Many words and lines never fail to ruthlessly reappear in mind over and over again, asking for freedom from the cage I caved for weeks. How was I supposed to end this torture? While my heart shattered into pieces, my eyes barely closed to find dreams that I thoughtfully wished, were better than reality.

Long story short, Poppu (nama laptop lama) dah rosak, so tak boleh online yow. Alhamdulillah, Poppucu (nama laptop baru) is here to make me less of a drama-and-desperate-for-writing queen :D

This izzz Poppu! Poppucu is still a shy shy one. But anywayssssss.....

Raya has been awesome! Ironically, nothing awesome actually happened. Really. But the thought of seeing everyone after a year just made the days awesome than IB days (what a comparison, right) It's relieving too the fact that everyone seems to be more interested in talking about me flying off next 2 weeks that getting married early WOHOOOO! This must be because I have many grandmas and granddads, and they are pretty rockin' to be firm supporters for early marriage. And here's the most rockin' one: (totally unrelated to marriage topic)

Atok is definitely one of my most favourite men in the world! He is tufted fun, caring and adorable all at the same time. What makes him more special is me; makes him a cool Atok to have a cool granddaughter. Hehehehehhehehe. This Raya I have unleashed gitu one more trait of him; loving. Not an ordinary loving, but an extraordinary one.

Is it too much to say that a daughter means the world to a father even if she has a world of her own? I have no clue how much a father could actually love his daughter but I bet my father has not giving any hint either. But well, my Abah is one of a kind who tries all out to find me a mere sheet of tissue in the car because I have cold; or repeatedly knocks on my door just to check if I'm okay inside of my OWN room; or guarantees me that he has all the money in the world to buy me the world.  I'm not spoiled, or maybe I am, but I am not sure if I appreciate him enough. My Abah is more or less like my Atok. The same traits and the same tenderness of love. But based on the living proof I have witnessed, I   wish to not repeat the same story I heard this year Eid.

My point is............. appreciate those few men in your life (boyfriend is strictly excluded). Even if it's the Eid, not Father's Day. This Eid, isn't only celebration of winning the nafs during Ramadhan; it's a celebration of love, too.  

I use this photo for the Eid hoping people get my message right. Other than my inai is pretty,

Happy Eid! Maaf zahir dan batin everyone!

ps/ many complaint I always leave my sentence/stories hanging. Well, habit dies hard :P