Tuesday, October 23, 2012

bad feeling can be a good thing

People use the word 'hurt' so often. Well, I do that, too. To me, every time I get hurt, I literally experience an abnormal heart condition. It beats very differently that I can feel it in my throat. I'm not kidding. It hurts, so badly, that to admit that I am hurts even more. It's like putting on plaster on a wound. It will reduce the pain, but just by putting it on the skin, it hurts more than the cut did.

But at least, I feel the hurt.

What if I don't? What if one day all in a sudden I lost my pain receptors? What if I don't feel anything at all? Tell me what's good about that?

It's worse comes to worst.

I now understand why some people do things others can't understand. For example, when someone kicks an old man

"dudeee why on earth you did that to him? He's so nice to you, he din do anything wronggg. What has got into you??"

"eiiii sampainya hati buat camtuuuu. Tak elok gileee buat orang camtuhh. Jahatnye ish ish ishhhh."

"it's common sense! Come on!"

Maybe because he just feels like doing it. Or maybe because he just doesn't feel anything.

Therefore, be happy when you feel something. Even if it's negative. He the All-Knower is teaching you on sabr and acceptance - how to switch from negativity to positivity. Like when your heart aches because of a sin you commit, it's the imaan that hurts. That also shows that your limbic system is working well :)

But when the system is down, you are screwed.


Friday, October 12, 2012

a heart that aches when another heart is strayed


"So am I your first Muslim friend?" I asked.

They nodded with fair excitement on their faces. They were sleepy because class started at 8 am that day. Then, I told them that we Muslims wake up at 5 or 6 for prayer every day. They were more than shocked. Haha. It shows that they are curious about us Muslims; what we do on daily basis, how we feel about drinking and party, why do we Muslimah wear scarf - how do we live life as differently than they do? Well, I'm curious too. I have asked my cool housemate, getting-closer friend, Jia Wei, a Christian, if I could follow her to the church to visit the inside. And she said okay :)

But not to nightclub or pub.

Kelakar rasanya bila fikir pasal how irony some Muslims are. Islam means peace, so, it brings peace to our life. Every one wants to live a peaceful life; life without misery and much complexity. That what Islam offers. Sebab tu jugak nikmat terbesar dalam hidup yang tak tahan lama ni adalah Islam dan Imaan, regardless of how little amount you have in heart, at least you have it there. But somewhere, somehow things are way weirder than I thought. 

How could you let go of nikmaat for maksiaat?

Umpamanya, taknak makan Kenny Rogers sebab nak makan biskut mayat kat rumah walaupun ada orang nak belanja. Serius. It doesn’t make sense at all to me. So.......................... weird. 

I walk slowly while thinking the reason for the weirdness. But then I figured out that this is the simple logic, which we poorly understand almost throughout our whole life.

Kebenaran and kebatilan are significantly distinctive. [Ref- Al Anbiya:18]

We know the rights and wrongs. We really do. Antara layan Internet and solat Fardhu, which one is the right thing to do? Antara perhabehkan duit mak ayah untuk beli iPong padahal tak reti guna pun and guna henpon canggih yang sedia ado, which one is the right thing to do? Even if we don't know or not sure about it, our hearts still, certainly, know it. Lets use reverse principle of magnet. Basically, all hearts are good hearts because it's a gift from God. So, good heart is attracted to goodness and vice versa. When it meets less goodness, the attraction is not very strong. But when it meets the evil, it moves away from each other. When you try to put them back close, the heart still strongly repels and vibrates because it isn't in its nature to be attracted to the opposite. 

Yes, nature of the heart.

This topic is also heavily related with the next topic, which is on Imaan and Nafsu, nanti kita belajar sama-sama yeee. The bottom line is that, to answer the question of why Muslims are not muslims, we need to go back to the basics. Not to get the exact answer to it, sebab banyaknyaaaa jawapaaaannnn, but to recall and revise the basic principles in Islam (also have a perfect manual to it - the Quran) that bring us to the ways of living a peaceful life, even for a very short while.

*Note to self: 

Frustration, disappointment and anger are negative. Negativity comes from the evil. The agents are the devils. So, don't bother much about them. Focus to the solution. Be smart, be sabirin. I swear by the name of Most Loving, people can change into better. Think, do and do'a. 

May you, my friend, turn back to the righteous path. Ameen ameen ameen.

Sunday, October 7, 2012



I still remember the time when I got a C for my UPSR Trial Exam back in 2004. It was Science and yalah, very down cos I targeted an excellent A. Macam bagus je kan. Walhal........ What I did was when I got back home, I took all the books there in my house and went straight to my room sambil nangis tersedu-sedan selak every single page of at least 10 thick books until I fell asleep because of too tired of crying, not of reading.

Few months later, result was coming out and I was near to be histerical at home. I repeatedly asked Abah "Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape Abah rasa Ya dapat bape." Oh yes, I am that annoying. I was very very very scared of not getting straight A's, but not because of kiasu, but because I was afraid that I could not keep up with all my big brothers who came up stage every year as top students in their batch. Scary kannnnn?

But you know what Abah says to me every time I got historical?

"Ala. Anak Abah mesti boleh punya. Don't worry lah." *sambil tengok Ultraman Gaia on the TV*

That is one of the most effective motivations I ever have in my entire life. I never lie when I say I'm lack of confidence in myself. I'm only good at pretending to be confident, but I am not. Well, trying hard to be so, but I am just not. Yet.

Therefore, I guess it's normal to not be confident, especially at this time when exam is just around the corner. A little adrenaline (a stress hormone) won't be as damaging if you can make the full use of it, little brother. By making the full use of it means, and only means, that you study the most efficient and productive way possible. There are no cara belajar yang paling berkesan di dunia that will work out for everyone in the world. No one knows cara belajar yang paling berkesan di dunia for you except you. I know you know it too because your results naik gile kot time Form 3 ni. So, can you recall how you did it? Now, go and do it again.

When I talk about confidence, it does not, at all, include the confidence in the Creator. One of my favourite way (should be yours too) when it gets nearer to exam is praying and praying and praying. He knows everything; the level of your knowledge and also, the state of your heart. Find yourself always near, or better, nearest to Him at this time around, so you can always be guided o the right answer, right study skill, right thing to do, right topic to read sebab masuk exam nanti - everything! This works, insyaAllah, for those who search for it. And my bro, it is called as tawakkal. Tawakkal and usaha are two nouns that move together unseparatedly, like apple juice. Mana boleh apple juice without apple = mana boleh usaha carik ilmu al-'Aalim without tawakkal to al-Razaaq!

Ekceli, apa yang Kakak Ya nak cakap is that, you can do this. You have the potential, whether you realise it or not. Kakak Ya tau je Anep cuak and nak je cakap padan muka exam hihi, tapi beyond that is the strength of yours that I myself may not have. Go do it, lil bro! I have faith in you! We all do!

Eh. Salah gambar.

Better. Ke tak? Hehehehehehehe.

Allahummar zuqna, Ya Rabbi fahaman nabiyyiin, wa hifzaal mursaliin, wa 'ilhaamal malaikatiil muqarrabbin, fii 'aafiyaati, ya Arhamar raahimiin. Ameen ya rabbal Alameen.

ps/ rasa diri ni kelakor sangat typo hysterical to historical. hihihi.