a sin that reminds. harshly.

bismillahirahmanirraheem. 

astaghfirullahalazim. 

Today was the worst day so far since I arrived here. Not because of Anatomy or no money to buy lunch, but because of me, a sinner. 

Me and my friends were waiting for Dunaras bus to come fetch us after a long day of lectures, study group and Anatomy lab. I was holding my very heavy bag with my hand cos I was really tired to carry it at my back. My energy was draining fast because I was fasting and had not yet eaten proper meal even though the Maghrib prayer had passed. I used every millijoule energy I had left to move my limbs to get myself into the bus and reach home safely to get good food for my tummy.

But none of those are acceptable excuse for the sin I committed. 

When I was just a few steps away to get into the bus, I felt something at my left shoe. So, I looked down. It was an empty can of Coke. 

Here comes the evil part of my story.

I looked at it for a sec before I looked away, not bothering to pick it up. 

"Tak elok betul buang sampah merata-rata."

"I don't drink Coke. Hmph."

Then, I went straight up into the bus and here I am at home in my room. Never felt as guilty and shameful before. Want to know why?

Here's the most evil part.

The moment after I got into the bus, a blind lady, Heather heard the sound of the can rolling on the road. She didn't take the bus because she lives somewhere else. I didn't realise she was there until my friends who were behind me that time told me about her. And they told me this too: She actually bend over trying to find the can with her very own hand while another hand holding a walking stick which barely put her in balance. It was raining fairly and the tar was muddy. The mud splashed all over while her hand still busy patting the tar to find the can. Until she found it and hold it very closely to herself. 

I felt ashamed of myself. As a person, a medical student, a Malaysian, on top of all, a muslim and a slave of His. It was a can of Coke, and it was all it takes for this heart to be conscious of its disgraceful state. 

and like Jia Wei told me just now "We make mistakes while we learn. Just continue learning from the mistake, Sya."I should find Heather tomorrow and thank her for what she thought me insyaAllah.

Allahumma innaka 'afu wun tuhibbul 'afwa fa fu'anni.. ameen...