my weak part

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem

one of the major reasons why I can relate to Yasmin Mogahed's writing is because I can feel her precisely and doubtlessly. 

I believe most of us - especially girls- feel the same way, too. she writes almost flawlessly about feeling that it is near impossible to disagree. our hearts are made to feel, aren't they? erm, only that girls are more prone to sadness and weakness, aren't we? :) weakness may be some sort of addiction. I believe psychiatry can explain this better but I'm going to explain this in my own viewpoint, my own story;

my subject of weakness always, nearly most of the time, is love. most of loves I experience make me weak. be it a person, an object or a mere memory. I tend to love, very weakly.

until to a very recent initially-unaware moment that I hate to weakness that results me to hate to love. I do not want to be weak anymore. I really want to fight this addiction of feeling weak. I despise it every second up to the point I do not see love the way I should see it.

and then it hit me.

if its love, it shouldn't make us weak. love is strength. love is what makes world goes around. not money, no.

but if and only if, it is done in the right way - lillah.

so, I have now decided that until I love something lillahita'ala, I refuse to love it at all. I still hate weakness and will always hate it. it easily gets on my nerves to see weak people, especially those that I can see strength inside of them. stop being so weak, stop underestimating yourself, and most importantly, stop confusing yourself between penakut and taqwa. taqwa itu membina diri, takut penakut melemahkan hati. perempuan lemah lembut, bukan lemah lembik. come on, rise up and shine your imaan, my friends. look at bigger things in life, think about the ummah not just yourself. 

get out from that hole of weakness you get yourself into.

and above is the only reason why I'm not able finish her book, too. (yet)