balancing

assalamualaikumwarahmatullah,

This is like diving into deep sea. I was on the ground wandering around doing this and that before I realise that it is time for me to dive. But before I jumped into the sea, I looked around to see what I have to see. Not very far away from where I stood, I saw people I love looking at me with empty eyes. I know I have to meet them. I continued looking around and I saw many damages that I have done not so long ago. I know I have to fix them. And most significantly, I was a harshly hit by the sight of a mountain of 'work' I have to do before I die. I know I have to do them.

But not now, I have to dive. No, this will not be long and I will come back to the ground when the time comes.

So, I took a looongg and deeeeppp breath with my eyes closed. I could now listen to dominant sympathetic-influenced heart beat very clearly. You still have to do this, I told myself. I lost a few breaths because I was afraid and had to inhale and exhale many times to make sure I am ready to make the jump.

And I jumped.

In the sea, I still can see. I can also hear the talking from the outside. They are not very clear but I can quite understand the point. Like before, I lost my focus a few times and had to redirect my head to what I have in front. I need to focus. Other than my limbs, water pressure and fish (tetibe), I'm heavily dependant on my oxygen supply. I'm pretty sure I have enough to finish this, yet I know I should go back to the surface to breathe in some more in case of short.

The oxygen resembles my religion, my deen, my Rabb, arRasul, the Quran, tarbiyyah and imaan. It fills me entirely and I need it every second of my life.

The sea is the mood I am in. Exam mode on days ago mesti lah different than normal days.

Other objects, errr, tataulah ape hahahaha.

Actually, I was feeling a bit nausea at the moment after staring at lecture notes for hours which I have lost count of.. So, I decided to take 5 minutes break by writing this. Hmm you see, exam is not only around the corner anymore. Because guess what, I have already reached the corner T.T

I read the Quran this morning and came across these verses:

"Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang bertakwa berada di dalam taman-taman(syurga) dan mata air, mereka mengambil Tuhan kepada mereka. Sesungguhnya mereka sebelum itu di dunia adalah orang-orang yang berbuat baik; mereka sedikit sekali tidur pada waktu malam; dan pada akhir malam mereka memohon ampunan daripada Allah."[51:15-18]

Now I am motivated to change my biological clock to sleep less (4 or 5 hours) and do 'ibadah (studying) and qiam during the night! I can do thisss I can do thissssssss I BELIEVE I CANNNN!!

InsyaAllahul'azim.