my birthday party!

katil tak cukup empuk malam ni...............................

Ibu Abah aren't here with me. knowing room next door is empty kinda make it harder to sleep. though i have been sleeping alone all this while. alhamdulillah, Ibu Abah dah berangkat ke Madinah & Mekah hari ni. Abah got conference there and Ibu accompanies to take care of him "kita berdua jelah ye bang 7 hari ni." romantis enough to me T.T

i hope they are doing well right now, right under His love and blessing. and as for me, i have promised myself to write about my birthday that has passed ages ago. yup, i am nineteen now. three years late from this girl.

ini Amal Ahmed Albaz, pelajar IB di Kanada. saya pula Syakirah Azami, pelajar IB di Malaysia hehehe. 

"i make a call to all those who like me. who wanna make a change but can't quite find the key"

and so, it rings to me. a day before i turned 19, i wondered about my life. i know i have been wondering all this while, but that time, it counts the most. banyak benda kan kita boleh buat dalam hidup ni. sekarang boleh stalk kawan kawan kat Twitter/Facebook, esok boleh keluar pegi Wangsawalk, lusa boleh continue neglect homework sebab takde mood and the list goes on. dalam hidup ni, semua benda yang kita buat adalah untuk kegembiraan dan keselesaan kita. bukan kita je, semua pun. kalau intai ke luar rumah, semua pun were made for the sake of our own pleasure and comfort. kereta, longkang, tali ampaian, loceng kucing, peti surat. so, seronok la kan hidup ni. tapi... kenapa masih ada kosong? why is there always a room for more pleasure for ourselves? mungkin esok happy dapat iPhone4s. tapi lusa nampak Samsung Galaxy Note rasa tak cukup luas pulak screeen iPhone4s tu.

so what do we really want, actually? 

i have too many questions in mind to be written here. but too little answer do i have now. i am 19, turning 20 next year. who would i be by then? a simple yet the most vital question in one's life.

i wanna be a doctor, and a lecturer too. but before that, i wanna survive IB without any regrets. also, i want to have the opportunity to study abroad. so, i  do have my ambitions, right? and currently working towards it walaupun tak habis baca novel Isteri (Malay subject). but it still somehow isn't adequate to answer my question. i need to know if i'm worth to this life. worth to my Lord's sight.

"people often ask what the religion can serve me by the do's and don'ts. why must wear hijaab, follow obligations and all. but in Islam. the real question is, what can you serve the religion? serve Allah SWT?" - Nouman Ali Khan.

so what do i do now? besides wasted 19 years of my life not doing anything, simply nothing, like Amal said, what plans do i have for tomorrow? we are the youth, mannn. we hold power to the society. our voices and thoughts and ideas are the loudest among any other ages (reading on Hassan al-Banna's writings on syabaab is highly recommended) banyakkkk sangat benda yang kita boleh serap sekarang. we are all sooo excitedly anxious about what life has to offer us. money, shopping malls, boys, gossips seem soooo addictive and exciting and tempting that we have no idea how to stop them all! but there is still, you know, a few who can see something more behind all those keindahan dunia yang masyuk. only few realises that there are more to decide and think and do than to enjoy. i wanna be among those few chosen people. i know i am no where near to that right now, but i want to get closer towards it. nanti, waktu Hari Kiamat, bila tanya, umur muda saya dihabiskan untuk apa, saya nak bagi jawapan yang baik... tak terbaik atau baik sangat pun takpe, tapi kalau boleh, taknak yang buruk, na'uzubillah.

so, i decided. i have a year left before i lose 'teen' in the end of my age spelling, number 1 in the beginning of my age number. so, i wanna make it worthwhile this time. in fact, i have listed so many things. tapi mestilah tak boleh bagitau daaa~ but i do want to this, you know. so badly at the moment.

 as bad as Bam Bam wants the headphone to fit his head, so he can listen by using ears, not cheeks.

may He hold this heart firm to this. amin.

we miss our angel

"Along ingat lagi, tak berapa lama sebelum Aufa meninggal, ada sekali tu Ya call Ibu, Ibu pun buat loudspeaker. Aufa dari jauhhh tu haa berlari lari pegi dekat handphone Ibu. dia dah kenal kot suara Ya. lepastu tau tak dia amek handphone Ibu daripada Ibu, bawak lari jauh jauhhh habis Ibu dengan Along kena kejar sana sini. pastu dia cakap apa apa ntah dengan Ya semua tak paham" - Along, Umi Allahyarham Aufa Hani binti Iswandi Harahap.

and I only knew this story about a month ago, when we were playing with her brother, Ahmad Aslim bt Iswandi Harahap. and i guess that is the last story i have about her. erm, i bet my friends all know how i reacted every time me and her were on the phone hehe. we had a secret language, that only we both pretended to understand. err..

ehem. so, on this date, a year ago, about 3 hours ago, she left us. but the story doesn't end there, only get better. she left us and started to wait for her parents up there somewhere in the best place anyone can possibly be. good news for the rest of us, also her parents, we are all gracefully blessed with two superheroes in the house. i need not put their pictures here for it will only make them bangga dan bajet comel lepas tu excited nampak gambar sendiri kat screen computer. 

ehem. so, i hereby stand, i mean, write, with hearts of every member of my family, would like to convey our  thoughts and prayers to the one we will always love, 

bidadari kecik kami. Al Fatihah.

this is bad, real bad (not Keri Hilson)

my Pappu (name of my laptop, just created last night) broken down last night. i have EE to be submitted in two days. it's late already because someone didn't tell me Ms Saidah wanted it early holiday and he already submitted it without me *bengang* i have backups in my pendrive, but its the old what, not the updated ones that is 51.5% done. now...

how do i cry in the most elegant way... :'((((((((((( i mean, faithful way, you know, like a true believer :')

definitely not like this. this is Sem Sem. 

i think i have done something not right. maybe this is the payback, perhaps this is the wake up call, possibly this is what it takes for me, to down on my knee, asking for forgiveness from you. i'm sorry, love. i didn't mean to hurt you.

Angah la ni, menakutkan Ya cakap Ibu Abah terasa Ya keluar tak bagitau T.T

cooler than Teletubbies.

i really can't hold myself from writing. tambah lagi dengan hujan hujan ni, a warm feeling i have here in heart.

as referred to my previous post, it really nailed to my head that a school junior of mine still remembers the story i told her during usrah. i mean, its like two years ago, or maybe three! even i cant remember how many times did i go to toilet yesterday.

see the correlation? hehe.

i mean like, it must be something really intensely meaningful and heart-warming that makes us hard to forget it. right? how significant toilet is as compared to Usrah? or even Chemistry class?! walaupun Chemistry concepts tak berapa nak ingat sangat. but still?! bila fikir balik. it's true you know. all these years, i have been obsessing about quotes, song lyrics and stuff. but how long will those line stuck in your head? not gonna be longer than sinetron drama, i assume. the greatest quotes and lines after all are those related to our very own religion. thanks to Twitter, now i am addicted to those.

one of the best Islamic tweets by @IslamicThinking. if you don't have Twitter acc, you should have one just to follow this. its gonna worth it, trust me.

nevertheless, its not only about Islamic quotes or Tweets, story or lectures. it's about our religion. i don't know about you guys, but anyone surely experiences that one different feeling when it comes to Islam. be it positive or negative, that different aura is not as usual as any auras in the world. not even aura Ombak Rindu. berombak je lebih... okay peminat Aaron Aziz, jangan marah..

for we all teens, we wanna be cool, look cool, sound cool. mann who doesnt want that?! i want that too. i hope this blog is cool enough. macam Cool Blog. hehehehe. but where do we find that coolness?! in the righteous way?!

Ust Azhar Idrus, i didnt know you're a cool photographer! 0__O

i really wanna be a cool speaker like Nouman Ali Khan. you should watch his videos here.

eh ehhh. hihihi. *tersipu sampai tak sanggup nak tulis nama*

therefore, i beg to differ, sir, 9gag is definitely not cool enough.

i don't know if i have wrote enough. but i have to say this, kita pun dah umat akhir zaman, tambah lagi tanda tanda akhir kiamat macam Tengku Sofea, and our distance to Qiamat is like between two fingers (according to Hadith), but the good news is that Islam akan bangkit semula before it happens, Islam gonna be the World Order(Ustaziyatul 'Alam) once again, and if its gonna happen during our lifetime, we would wanna be a part of it, don't we?

"... bersabarlah, sesungguhnya janji Allah itu benar." 30:60

ps/ it is also my deepest grief that i have been delaying to post something about my birthday. no, its not about birthday party. but if i delay it longer this time, i hope i be reminded when read this T.T

a date! with a call.

yesterday was a fairy tale.

nahh. it was more like a movie, macam Mean Girls ka, Bride War ka, or more correctly, Sex and The City :D :D :D

a picture with all of us in it wasn't good and i bet Hanis Jey would NEVER want me to upload it, so here the cropped pic of everyone! i did my best T.T

i cant think of anything else to write except for food! in total we had 6 meals altogether, added up with maracon (nice colour, nice taste), SCRUMPTIOUSLY MOUTH WATERING PICNIC CHOC BAR , yummy (tu eh nama dia?) candy, choc cake+brownies+cheese cake samples and all, we spent most of money to buy food! semua ni sebab Dian suka makan. dia yang buat orang lain tempting nak makan sekali. T______________T

Hana Chipa : "cane nak kira berapa banyak kita makan hari ni?"

Hanis Jey : "kira berapa pinggan kita makan, pastu bahagi empat."

Sya : "eh taklah, kira total calories we took in, pastu bahagi empat. baru accurate."

perhaps the best part is that it was an iftar every time we eat. its a good thing you know. first is because, it wont make you feel so bad if you eat a a lot (because you dont know how much you actually eat) second, it kinda lifts up more of your appetite, but its okay though, if you read the first reason xD

so, we had awesome food, gossips, embarrassingly crazy time and

foot pain T_________________T

tapi apepunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. we had a great day that contributed to a great sleep last night, so yeah, i miss my girls :)

something also happened it the surau by the way. i bumped into Integomb junior and she remembers me! it was quite a normal conversation until..

Junior : "Kak, saya ingat lagi yang cerita akak pasal haji time usrah kat sekolah dulu. (excitedly smiling face)"

enough said, isn't it? :) really got to write more about this soon.

same story line, different version

on this date in 2010, i was in Pulau Indah, Klang, doing a humanitarian project with much beloved Smiling Soul club. there, i was informed that my niece, Allahyarham Aufa Hani been admitted into Hospital Serdang because of lung infection. i wasn't there for her and was only able to take care of her a week later. i was given chance to do so for only two weeks before she returned to Him we love most.

that is the only difference that it makes.

i am currently with Atok Zaharim in HUKM. Atok was admitted in the middle of Sem 3 exam week, i think i was doing English paper kot when Angah miscalled me. Atok experienced a mild stroke, along with his unbalanced glucose proportion, blood pressure and heartbeat. doc said his prostate cancer might also contribute to this condition, so a complete medical care should be taken in the hospital. so here i am :D

there is nothing serious, really. in fact Atok is watching Indon drama on TV3. ohh rindunya kat Indonesia ;'D

well, perhaps it is only about me.

".. Katakanlah 'Apakah sama orang-orang yang mengetahui dan orang-orang yang tidak mengetahui?' Sebenarnya hanya orang yang berakal sehat yang dapat menerima pelajaran." 9:39

days here, the memories flashing back like CSI episodes. continuous and never boring. the same hospital smell, serious faces (housemans), slow and also fast walks (patients vs docs), klikings of medical apparatus and colors (white, blue, and any soft colors) everything is perfectly put in place, just like a year ago. the feelings also remain you know.

and... it also haunts me that i once thought of this

'sedihnya terpaksa duduk hospital sehari suntuk.. kawan kawan lain semua jenjalan, holiday. sedihnya..'

this line crossed my mind 3/4 days before Allahyarham Aufa passed. teruk kan? and i regretfully hate myself for it. that is basically why i am trying to redeem myself now, trying to become a better person for my family. though i said before that i direly need this holiday to get back to myself, i should instead always be alarmed that some things in life is more worth fighting for, than yourself. sometime, somewhere, someone who is as important as ourselves to us might need our concern and attention, more than ourselves.

fuuh~ cukup jiwang.

no no, this blog bukan asyik dok cite pasal orang sakit, baby, orang sakit, baby lagi. i write other things too you know! macam ni. that is exactly what im doing right now haha ;)

an evil yet irresistible distraction T.T "hehehehehehe" - Bam Sem (not Sem Bam okay)

ps/ Atok is scheduled to return home this Friday. am praying this to be a remarkably awesome present for my birthday this year :) amin ya Rabbal alamin.

an invitation from Him we love

hello there. today, i went through my previous posts and realised that i post too much about babies. which is weird. because i am not yet a mom T.T apart from that, i also just finished filling in Umrah forms for Ibu and Abah, that gives me a very good feeling all night! :D

for those who know, i know, its strange kan people asking me to write for them. i also come to know that my hand writings are too unique and creative to be understood. but oh well. so Ibu and Abah are going this month but why am i writing this?

because Ibu, Abah, i want you to know that life has taken its toll on me. i must say this holiday kinda erm well, really actually, means something to me. even more than before. my family has always been my strength and a Smurf (its a movie btw, Ibu) said 'Smurfs are family and i don't give up on my family' :) but knowing you two are going to to the most makramah place on earth is a nikmah indeed. though it's too early, Ya nak jugak post pasal ni. (also because i promised Ibu to post something tonight :/)

other than that, this holiday really is something more to me. i have somehow lost myself in the middle of last semester and i gotta get back to myself asap. as few have said to me;

"you have been different. where's Sya i used to know?"

good question, guys!

"Do (good) deeds which is within your capacity (without being overtaxed) as Allah does not get tired (of giving rewards) but (surely) you will get tired and the best deed (act of Worship) in the sight of Allah is that which is done regularly." - Bukhari.