my birthday party!

katil tak cukup empuk malam ni...............................

Ibu Abah aren't here with me. knowing room next door is empty kinda make it harder to sleep. though i have been sleeping alone all this while. alhamdulillah, Ibu Abah dah berangkat ke Madinah & Mekah hari ni. Abah got conference there and Ibu accompanies to take care of him "kita berdua jelah ye bang 7 hari ni." romantis enough to me T.T

i hope they are doing well right now, right under His love and blessing. and as for me, i have promised myself to write about my birthday that has passed ages ago. yup, i am nineteen now. three years late from this girl.

ini Amal Ahmed Albaz, pelajar IB di Kanada. saya pula Syakirah Azami, pelajar IB di Malaysia hehehe. 

"i make a call to all those who like me. who wanna make a change but can't quite find the key"

and so, it rings to me. a day before i turned 19, i wondered about my life. i know i have been wondering all this while, but that time, it counts the most. banyak benda kan kita boleh buat dalam hidup ni. sekarang boleh stalk kawan kawan kat Twitter/Facebook, esok boleh keluar pegi Wangsawalk, lusa boleh continue neglect homework sebab takde mood and the list goes on. dalam hidup ni, semua benda yang kita buat adalah untuk kegembiraan dan keselesaan kita. bukan kita je, semua pun. kalau intai ke luar rumah, semua pun were made for the sake of our own pleasure and comfort. kereta, longkang, tali ampaian, loceng kucing, peti surat. so, seronok la kan hidup ni. tapi... kenapa masih ada kosong? why is there always a room for more pleasure for ourselves? mungkin esok happy dapat iPhone4s. tapi lusa nampak Samsung Galaxy Note rasa tak cukup luas pulak screeen iPhone4s tu.

so what do we really want, actually? 

i have too many questions in mind to be written here. but too little answer do i have now. i am 19, turning 20 next year. who would i be by then? a simple yet the most vital question in one's life.

i wanna be a doctor, and a lecturer too. but before that, i wanna survive IB without any regrets. also, i want to have the opportunity to study abroad. so, i  do have my ambitions, right? and currently working towards it walaupun tak habis baca novel Isteri (Malay subject). but it still somehow isn't adequate to answer my question. i need to know if i'm worth to this life. worth to my Lord's sight.

"people often ask what the religion can serve me by the do's and don'ts. why must wear hijaab, follow obligations and all. but in Islam. the real question is, what can you serve the religion? serve Allah SWT?" - Nouman Ali Khan.

so what do i do now? besides wasted 19 years of my life not doing anything, simply nothing, like Amal said, what plans do i have for tomorrow? we are the youth, mannn. we hold power to the society. our voices and thoughts and ideas are the loudest among any other ages (reading on Hassan al-Banna's writings on syabaab is highly recommended) banyakkkk sangat benda yang kita boleh serap sekarang. we are all sooo excitedly anxious about what life has to offer us. money, shopping malls, boys, gossips seem soooo addictive and exciting and tempting that we have no idea how to stop them all! but there is still, you know, a few who can see something more behind all those keindahan dunia yang masyuk. only few realises that there are more to decide and think and do than to enjoy. i wanna be among those few chosen people. i know i am no where near to that right now, but i want to get closer towards it. nanti, waktu Hari Kiamat, bila tanya, umur muda saya dihabiskan untuk apa, saya nak bagi jawapan yang baik... tak terbaik atau baik sangat pun takpe, tapi kalau boleh, taknak yang buruk, na'uzubillah.

so, i decided. i have a year left before i lose 'teen' in the end of my age spelling, number 1 in the beginning of my age number. so, i wanna make it worthwhile this time. in fact, i have listed so many things. tapi mestilah tak boleh bagitau daaa~ but i do want to this, you know. so badly at the moment.

 as bad as Bam Bam wants the headphone to fit his head, so he can listen by using ears, not cheeks.

may He hold this heart firm to this. amin.