the perk of being a busy nerd

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

isn't it a wonderful feeling to score an exam or test with high mark? or to fully understand the lectures because you have done revision beforehand. it is also beautiful to be able to point any structure on the skull and tell its name and vessels that pass through it during lab session. 

to me, learning medicine is happiness. 

I also find it exciting to listen to talks and discussions, particularly on Islamic issues like middle east crisis and even Ust Fathul Bari kahwin dua (eh bukan gosip ke ni lol). I'm undeniably in love with the atmosphere of being in a group of people of knowledge - deeply, madly in love with this. 

thus, learning Islam brings me contentment. 

it is through learning that I find my heart and soul at peace. I fall in love over and over again, more often lately, with books and people around me. Dr Wilkins is at top of the list btw :P

what I intend to convey is that love can be found in hatred.

medicine is never easy, I'm doing it with struggles and hardships that I take paracetamol and caffein as a defence to stress. Islam is not upheld high as it supposes to be yet, but we're muslims. we are the ones to take the responsibility and jalan dakwah tak dibentangkan dengan karpet merah dan taburan bunga. 

but at the end of the exhausting day every day, shouldn't we all be reminded that;

"Verily, with hardship, there is ease." 94:6

thank You, thank You, thank You, the Most Merciful for the love I found and the help You descend to me without fail. 

kbai nak belajar neuroanat esok lab Sya uiiiii. 

my first unofficial patient!

bismillah, assalamualaikum! 

Today was a medical fairytale!! I finally had my very first hands-on with reallll patients as a medical student. Well, I have experienced with cadavers last term but this time was with a living person!! (with illness of course)

NUI Galway has a special module programme called Early Patient Contact, EPC which aims to expose students to real clinical experiences with patients, ie communication skills, clinical skills, simple physical examinations on Vital Signs etc. It is basically a programme to train students to talk to patients in proper and confident way - yes, more to history-taking than diagnosis because we're only in second med.

So this was the excited me this morning! haha. Serius terlompat-lompat before session, well, pardon my adrenaline hehehehehehe.

Our patient, Mr V, is an incredibly helpful person. He talked non-stop for an hour I think, explaining everything without us even asking in details. Irish are generally gentlemen pun kan. Some of our questions were silly but he just answered anyways. 

I enjoyed this very first experience up until the moment I got lost in the middle of conversation, haha. Since he explained so much, I got confused and I panicked for some time during the interview. My group mates seem to understand everything; medical terms like drugs and diseases name etc while I went blur all by myself, adoiii.

Then I realised that I actually becoming to enjoy it more because that was the exact time that the whole situation suddenly look extra challenging and enormously interesting and very drama-like la jugak, hahaha. Ada fefeeling Dr House gituuuu. 

and later after I was reminded that this is still yet a fairytale and I barely becoming a good medical student at the moment. It was inspirational, it truly was. But I do not, at all, want it to be merely a dream. I want it to be a reality when I wake up one day. 

thus, I should not oversleep anymore and study more instead :P

"Allah changeth not the condition of a folk until they (first) change that which is in their hearts; and if Allah willeth misfortune for a folk there is none that can repel it, nor have they a defender beside Him." [ar Ra'du:11]

wassalam! (still excited padahal early report tak siap lagi hehehehe)

you can't scare those who are terrified

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

some say weakness is the door to building strength; that we will not know how strong we are until the only choice we have is to be strong. 

I try to look at the other side and wonder, if there are other (perhaps very few) people who genuinely understand the meaning of weakness - the state of being weak where there isn't a bit of strength left to even admit that we are, entirely, helpless. 

like those who have impairment in synaptic vesicles. they can't move their fingers on the keyboard as fast as you can, you know. (still in search of name of the disease though)

they are physically disable and some others are emotionally disable and why discriminate the latter?

as for me, my explanation to my condition is

because it is not safe yet to say that my heart is set.

a (not really) open letter to Ibu

bismillahirahmaanirraheem, assalamualaikum Ibu,

I hope you're under warm blessing of Allah SWT there. by the time you're reading this, I'm at least 16k km away from home; from you. and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I caused you a lot of troubles these 4 months of summer break. I'm sorry I had to leave again at times you wish you daughter was close to you. Top of all, I'm sorry that I didn't do enough for you to see you laugh and smile as much as you deserve to. I wish I did.

you know, summer holiday at home was a pure therapy for me. I barely survived my first year in all aspects of life and being at home made me, well, me again. and I hope you realise that most of them is because of you. I will never forget those leave days you took just to go out with me from the first week I got back (and spend your money on me T.T) also the day I arrived that you brought you iPad and tethered you phone at the airport only to let me go online, when all I wanted to do at that time was to look at your and Abah's faces (and eat nasi lemak). oh, my favourite moment would be when you told me you love me at the airport before I left sobs. jiwang gilerss.

Ibu, the reason I didn't go back on the 31st was because of your birthday. I didn't want to leave on your birthday. but me being me, I was too busy doing last minute shopping la renew license la makan sushi la that I didn't celebrate your birthday the way I planned.

why I wrote this letter? well, remember the letter you wrote to me when I entered KMB? I guess this is (short) 3 years later reply. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah I still have to chance to :) apart from that, this is to (urgently) inform you that I made a cake for you and left in the fridge at the 3rd row, I think. it was part of the surprise I wanted to make and so, I hope you can go eat it asap before it expires hehehehehhehehehe. 

this photo serves as a form of motivation for family holiday again kikikiki. cc: Abah

the card that I was supposed to hand you at the airport macam cerita Korea gitu. so this post is only soft copy la, will send you the hard copy later ye Ibu :))

that's all, Ibu. I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu~ fIllahita'ala. assalamualaikum.