"Sabar, Sya."

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem,

"pengorbanan bukannya memberikan apa yang kita ada, tapi memberikan lebih apa yang kita ada."

maksudnya, kalau ada RM10, kita bukan bagi RM1 mahupun RM10, tapi RM10 ke atas. kita bagi lebih daripada apa yang kita mampu dengan cara 'push' diri sendiri untuk cari duit lebih dengan simpan duit, kerja etc. jadinya, kita mengorbankan bukan setakat duit, tapi diri sendiri, untuk orang lain.

of cos lah, bukan senang. bukan senang nak luangkan 5 jam seminggu utk usrah. 5 jam boleh habis 3 lecture notes Dr Wilkins kottt. bukan senang jugak nak berjaga sampai pukul 11 malam kalau dah terbiasa tidur pukul 9 malam. ingat senang-senang histamine nak ubah sleep cycle? bukan senang nak paksa diri makan nasi setiap kali usrah atau tamrin kalau dah memang tak makan nasi sejak kecik. eh.

perdagangan yang paling menguntungkan menuntut manusia menginfakkan harta dan jiwa dalam jalan Islam 61:11 

jadi, perdagangan itu merujuk kepada pengorbanan diri sendiri - tenaga, masa, perasaan (apa-apa yang berharga) dan jugak jiwa dan raga keseluruhannya.

jadinya, mengorbankan diri daripada melakukan apa yang kita suka - tengok movie, makan, sembang, tidur, untuk melakukan apa yang kita perlu buat - belajar, usrah, belajar lagi, usrah lagi bukannya semudah yang orang yang tak buat sangka. 

alhamdulillahirabbeel'alameen, alhamdulillahirabbeel'alameen, alhamdulillahirabbeel'alameen.

"Sabar, Sya." is definitely the best wish for the eid adha :)
salam eid! salam pengorbanan! wassalamualaikum!

not sure what kind of wife/mum I'd become

bismillahirrahmaanirraheem, assalamualaikumwarahmatullah,

I remember during one of the most beautiful moments in my life being infront of Kaabah, something happened infront of me that forced me to make a du'a:

"oh Lord, make me one of your faithful and committed workers of Islam."

my ambition is to be a doctor. my dream is to live lifelong as a muslim. not a typical muslim, a working muslim. not a doctor working as a muslim, but a muslim working as a doctor. being a da'ie is more than an ambition, it's a dream. it's a never-ending dream I always find myself chasing for. if Islam puts qualifications required to be a da'ie, like book of Teguran buat Du'at by Sheikh Yusuf Qardawi, it must take more than this life for me to achieve my dream.

but I am still trying.

it looks like more to failure now since last night. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. if any of you whom I wronged before read this post, know that I deeply regret my mistakes.

I apologise for the time I wasn't able to make for you - home dinners I skipped, lunch dates I missed or salaam I didn't give when I entered the house or when I met you on the way to lecture. and more in the list.. taknak buka pekung di dada besar-besar sangat.

I will not use busy, time constriction, exhaustion etc as excuse anymore. it is my mistake, my own khilaaf, my shameful weakness that I don't tunaikan hak semua orang sebagai kawan. insyaAllah after this I'll try to do it better - to balance all aspects of my life to the furthest extent of my capability. and sorry in advance, too, if next second after I wrote this, I pergi emergency meeting pulak instead of pergi town dengan korang T.T

because at the end of the day, it really is about whom you love more 

and whom you love true. in other words, fillah. not fil jamaah or fil bait or fil favorite food or hobbies.

ps/ another beautiful (less than above, of course) moment of life is when someone pats my at my back and asks 'okay tak, Sya?' :)