heartbreak, bukan clash

What do you do when you get that super strong feeling everytime you encounter something/someone/somewhat? Like every single time.

If and only if you can comprehend the feeling, you must know the solution to it. But what if you don't? what if you can never understand why you are feeling that way even after so long? What if just by seeing that somewhat breaks your heart over and over again? Are you naive or just plain stupid?

Heartbreak is indeed one of the strangely tough test in one's life.

"Let me tell you who a real strongman is. He is the one who controls his temper." 

Narrated by Bukhari, Muslim.

This strong feeling has really tested me as a person like never before. No matter how hard I deny it, it does affect me up until this exact moment. Those few faces I have always tried to avoid seeing, Facebook page I block/unsubscribe, tweets I mute; I did these only to guard myself from turning the feelings into negative. I am not interested to talk about betrayal or hypocrisy, no, it is about me and how myself has been tested with people whom I used to be extremely close with, but now are strangers or maybe, haters to me. It is hurtful seeing them happy in front of you even when you are known hurt. Purposely or not, I have yet to question that. Those assumptions and accusations they threw, I took them all by myself. Oh, the hatred? Well, I took it, too. How painful was it? I can never tell.

but the end of the day, I hope I will still find me telling myself that this is a test, and the test, I will try to pass.

Ya : "Ibu, macamana kita nak tahu orang tu kawan yang baik ke tak?" 
Ibu : "Kawan yang baik tu.....hdjanav..zzz..nrjwkehdkj....zzz.." 
(tertidur sama-sama)

The next day : *1 notification on Facebook*

12 SIFAT SAHABAT SEJATI MENURUT IMAM AL-GHAZALI


Jika engkau berbuat bakti kepadanya, ia akan melindungimu.

Jika engkau rapatkan persahabatan dengannya, dia akan membalas baik persahabatanmu itu.

Jika engkau perlukan pertolongan daripadanya berupa wang dan sebagainya, ia akan membantumu.

Jika engkau menghulurkan sesuatu kebaikan kepadanya, ia akan menerima dengan baik.

Jika ia mendapat sesuatu kebajikan (bantuan) daripadamu, ia akan menghargai atau menyebut kebaikanmu.

Jika ia melihat sesuatu yang tidak baik daripadamu, ia akan menutupnya.

Jika engkau meminta sesuatu bantuan daripadanya, ia akan mengusahakannya.

Jika engkau berdiam diri (kerana malu hendak meminta), ia akan menanyakan kesusahanmu.

Jika datang sesuatu bencana menimpa dirimu, ia akan meringankan kesusahanmu (membuat sesuatu untuk menghilangkan kesusahan itu).

Jika engkau berkata kepadanya, nescaya ia akan membenarkanmu.

Jika engkau merancangkan sesuatu, nescaya ia akan membantumu.

Jika kamu berdua berselisih faham, nescaya ia lebih senang mengalah untuk menjaga kepentingan persahabatan.




If heartbreaks are what it takes to make this vulnerable heart strong, then be it.